A Demon's Fate
by lose-your-voice
Summary: GaaraXOc An orphan with nothing she thought she could lose,A boy who is hated, despised by everyone around him. Nozomi is a girl who has agreed to harbor the Hachimata, the eight tailed dragon. All she wanted was a purpose and she didn't believe in love.
1. The Beginning of The End

Life begins and life ends

_This story is about a girl, who believe it or not_

_Didn't believe in Love_

_Until Now…_

Please…Don't leave… 

_This Emptiness is too much to bear,_

_This loneliness is too painful._

_Don't leave…Mother, Father._

_You're the only thing I have, yet you walk away from me._

_Leaving me alone, in this cold dark world._

_And that was how it began._

_A sickness had overcome both of my parents and they died together in the hospital,_

_And left me alone._

_The only person I have now is my sister, who doesn't care too much for me._

"Sis, I'm leaving for my mission. Okay?"

A brunette sitting on the couch with her back facing to me ignored the words I just said. Her hair was long and beautiful landing past her shoulders onto her light brown shirt. I wished to see her expression, to see if she cared. I wanted to know if her blue eyes and thin mouth would smile in approval of me. I wish she cared.

I turned to face the door and walked out without another word. I walked down the hot streets in my black clothes. My black pants were rolled up right above my knees. My black shirt was loose on me and one of my shoulders was exposed. My short brown hair reached up to my shoulders. When the wind blew, the bangs on the right side of my face covered my eye. I was a simple chunin on my way to another mission.

I met up with my teammates, Rui and Kisaragi. Our mission was to find a boy that had been missing for several hours now. We headed into the woods without much talk and commenced our mission. I searched in the location farthest away from the village, towards the west. After an hour or so of searching on my own, I could hear human noises farther ahead. With caution, I approached where the noise had come from and saw the sight that would haunt me for weeks on end. I saw a boy in red clothes and noticed it was Gaara; the boy they all claimed was a monster. He was kneeling on the floor; his hands were clutching his head, in what seemed pain. He was shaking and was covered in blood.

_Next to him…_was the missing boy. They boy had been slaughtered and his blood was the blood that Gaara was covered in. They boy's chest was ripped open and I covered my mouth in disgust and horror. That poor boy…How could Gaara do that? Did he really have a demon in him? I turned my back towards the unsettling scene and was about to run for it when I heard Gaara speak.

"Get…out of my head…" Gaara said.

His tone of voice sounded demanding but in pain. He trembled and it seemed as if he was fighting with himself. I now understood. There was a demon inside of him, but it wasn't Gaara who was the demon. The demon and him were two separate souls, in one body. What a horrible way to live…losing control of one's self time and time again. I couldn't look at the picture any longer; it made me realize how morbid and unfair life can be. The boy was innocent and was murdered, slaughtered and torn apart by a boy who was controlled by a demon against his will.

I left the woods in shame. I found my two teammates and told them I didn't find the boy. How could I tell them that Gaara had slaughtered him? My conscious wouldn't let me for some reason. But why? Why does he have that demon inside of him? Why is everyone afraid of him? Why?

Why? Why did you die? Why did you leave me alone? Why does my sister, Miho, not care about me? I wish to be loved, I wish to be heard. But why?

That night, I couldn't sleep. The sight I laid eyes on wouldn't leave my mind. When I finally fell asleep, I dreamt of Gaara having a demon possessing him and killing the whole village. Then, I saw my parents in the hospital beds, I reached my hand towards them, but they were distancing themselves from me. I cried out for them, I cried my tears, I screamed for help. My sister now looked at me with an empty expression; she turned her back to me and started to walk away.

I gasped when I awoke. My heart was pounding and I was clutching my bed sheets, sweating. I wiped my forehead with the sleeve of my shirt and turned over.

'It was only a dream…

But why do I keep having these sorts of dreams?

Why?'

I forced myself to fall back asleep. Tomorrow, I was going to train. I wasn't very strong yet I wasn't a weakling. I had a lot of spare time on my hands so the only thing I could do was train. Then I realized, tomorrow was a festive day. There was going to be a parade when the sun sets and it will be a family day.

Tomorrow was definitely a training day for me.

Slowly, I came into consciousness. In the distance, I could hear birds. I yawned and sat up. Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, I walked towards the kitchen. I prepared some quick ramen; I wanted to start my training early. I bathed and changed into my clothes. Without seeing my sister, I left the house. Even though the sun was up outside, it was still early. I would guess about 7 in the morning. The streets were mostly empty that morning, it was windy and lonesome. I walked into the forest to practice my skills. I didn't know why I did it, fight. Why do I fight? I don't do it for my sister, or for the friends I have, not even for the pride of my country. So why do I fight?

I took out a shuriken, held it between my hands and concentrated on my chakra. I threw the shuriken and while it was in the air, did my hand symbols. Then a thin line from the flying shuriken to my wrist became visible. It was a string of chakra, with it; I controlled the movements of my shuriken and made it twist around a tree. Using my wrist, I pulled the string ever so slightly to make the tree split in half. I pulled the shuriken towards me and kept practicing. Again and again, I split the trees surrounding me until there were no more. I fight for myself. I'll fight only to survive and to have a purpose in life, what other purpose would I have? None at all.

I'm weak now, but I'll grow stronger, I never want to end up like the boy who was slaughtered. I won't be killed. I want to find someone, someone who can understand and maybe someone who could be a friend. I stopped for a moment to look up at the sky. The sun was up, shining so powerfully, yet, the sun was all alone. If only the sun had a companion, I would want to be the sun. I want to be like all those other girls, the jonins who are strong and yet, have family and people who care about them. That's what I want. Is that too much to ask? Will my wish be granted? I don't want to fall into darkness, but I'm no where near the sunshine…

I reached my arm towards the sun, trying to grab it. It seemed so close but was so far…The truth is…

I'm afraid. I'm afraid of life, of happiness, and of sadness. I'm afraid of it all. I'm afraid to be happy for the simple reason that…it could be snatched away from me in less then a minute, in a moment I could lose the happiness I've wanted for so long. Then what will I do? I'm scared of sadness because I don't want to fall into darkness. I don't want a demon dwelling inside my heart, gashing at my insides to be let out. I don't want to become inhuman or suffer. I sat down and pulled my knees up.

I chuckled, "Who am I kidding? I'm asking for a perfect life…"

But that's what I wanted, a perfect life. I've wished for so many things since my parents passed away, I've wished for so many things and I just expected it to come falling form the sky. But just maybe…I should do something about it. I should work towards a goal, and achieve it. But what could I do? I want a reason to live…How can I find that? I looked at the trees I destroyed laying on the ground. The only way to prove I exist…is to fight.

That's what I thought. There was no other reason. And so I trained. I stayed awake during the night, training and training. I didn't give up…I couldn't give up…If I did, then I really wouldn't have a reason to exist. I'm going to become so strong, that people will need me, that they'll love me. Yes, that's what I thought. I had that state of mind for a year, but in the back of my head…I could still hear myself thinking about that boy…and about Gaara and in the back of my mind, there was a darkness that thought love doesn't exist and that I would never have a reason by doing well.

**A year has passed…**

Blood on my hands, on my face. I was soaked with it. I was soaked in sin. But this is what I wanted, right? I've become strong. I trained and killed myself to be in this position. So why am I not happy? It is because I've murdered? It is because I'm an assassin for my village? I wanted to be strong but…I didn't want to kill. I'm just like him now. I couldn't control myself, after one dead body, I had to keep going. I wiped the blood off my hands, but I could still feel it there. There were dead bodies all around, I had to leave that place…

I ran away from the edges of the water country. My mission was to find a certain organization and kill the leader, but I killed them all. All 15 of them. It was by mistake though, right? I ran as fast as I could back to Suna. When I arrived, I reported back to the Kazekage about the success of my mission. He seemed pleased but I didn't care about that. Then the Kazekage made a proposal to me.

"How would you like to become one of Suna's greatest ninjas?"

My eyes widened, "What?"

He chuckled, "It's a great honor to be a splendid ninja, no?"

"…Yes. I understand. I accept."

Under the Kazekage's hat, I saw a thin smile, "We will begin tomorrow. Report to the hospital tomorrow at 9 a.m. and tell them I sent you."

By the time I was walking home, it was late at night. About 12 a.m. I'd guess. Why did I agree? Is that what I truly wanted to be? A weapon? But if it will give me purpose…I'd accept anything. I slept restlessly that night and I felt more alone then ever. When I arrived at the hospital in the morning, the nurses received me with a fearful look.

I came into a large white room. There was a hospital bed and a nurse waiting for me. There was nothing else in the room except for those two things. The nurse told me to lie down on the bed and I did as I was told. Then she pulled out a shot from her pocket and injected a liquid into my body. I soon felt tired and closed my eyes for some sleep. When I awoke, I felt bizarre and drowsy. I tried to stand but my legs were weak and my vision was blurry. I fell to my hands and knees and felt something different about me. I looked up and saw a person in front of me, I couldn't make out who it was or whether it was a man or a woman. But they dropped some liquid onto the floor in front of me. The shock hit me, I could smell it and see it clearly, it was blood. A bloodlust erupted inside of me, I wanted to smell more, taste more blood. I began to shake and a pain erupted from my chest. I placed a hand on my heart, from the pain. I gritted my teeth and squeezed my eyes closed.

'What is…this pain!'

The pain was starting to get worse and I started screaming a little, I collapsed onto the floor and rolled myself into a little ball. I wanted the pain to go away…I couldn't make out too much of what I heard next but that pain stopped after I heard it.

"She's going to…We have to stop…Clean…blood…Hurry."

I gasped form the sudden release of pain from my chest. Sweat dripped down my face and I wheezed as I was breathing. My consciousness slipped away from there on…

When I awoke, I was in my bed. I sat up suddenly and looked around, they must have brought me here. That was the only explanation. I looked to my bedside table and found a note from the Kazekage explaining my new condition.

Dear Nozomi,

You now have the Hachimata in you. Hachimata is the 8-tailed dragon.

You are to arrive to the Kazakage's office at 4, we will be waiting.

The Hachimata? They…inserted a demon into my body…Those bastards. I can't blame them though, I knew something like this would happen. But I wanted a reason to exist didn't I? Be careful of what you wish for…you might just get that wish. I looked out the window but I didn't feel so different. At 4, I was standing outside the Kazekage's office, just as I was asked to do. I heard the deep voice saying come in and I opened the doors and stepped inside. Standing beside his father, was Gaara. I walked towards the front of the Kazekage's desk and awaited his words.

"Gaara, this girl will now be your partner in missions. She also possesses a biju so you cannot kill her. I'm not sure if she is able to sleep so tonight, stay with her at our home to make sure she doesn't fall asleep."

Gaara's father turned to me, "Congratulations, you are now one of the finest ninjas in this village. Your first mission is in two days."

"Now Gaara, take Nozomi to our home."

Gaara closed his eyes and began walking out the door. I looked at the Kazekage's face one last time then followed Gaara. I didn't know much about this boy but I knew he was different than the others. He walked without looking back, or without acknowledging my existence but I didn't care so much for that. We soon came upon this grand house, the house of the Kazekage. I stared in wonder as I saw the magnificent and grand two-story home. It was elegant and had decorations that no one but the Kazekage could afford. Gaara opened the door and went in, before the door closed, I walked quickly after him. He walked upstairs without saying a word to me.

"Gaara? What am I supposed to do?"

I felt a chill as Gaara eyed me with a cold glare. I felt afraid, from that simple glare. I didn't notice, but my feet were moving backwards slowly. I stopped moving when I reached the door but he kept looking at me. He didn't say a word to me before heading upstairs. I looked at my hands, I was shaking. Why was I so afraid? That glare was frightening but wait. I shouldn't be afraid. I also have a demon inside of me, I should not feel inferior because I am on the same level as him! I clenched my fist and tried to gather the courage to walk up the stairs after him. I managed to walk up the stairs but when I came onto his closed door, I couldn't knock. The fear held back my hand. I closed my eyes and lifted my hand…

"Hey! Girl!"

I twisted around to see a boy, at the end of the hall, looking out his bedroom door. He had black clothing that covered his head. He also had many purple tattoos on his face. I had seen him before, he was always with Gaara along with another girl. The girl and this boy were Gaara's siblings. I just looked at the boy, not knowing what to do. He walked quickly over to where I was and grabbed my arm.

"You don't want to do that. That's **Gaara's **room. You don't go in there, if you want to come out alive." The boy warned me.

"I-I'm sorry. The Kazekage sent me here with Gaara but I don't know what to do. The Kazekage said I'm supposed to stay here for the night to make sure…"

The fear of why he sent me now began to sink in a little. The boy looked at me with an attentive look.

"To make sure…" I tried to finish, but the fear caught and closed my throat.

"I-I…"

I felt dizzy, the room was spinning, I felt the sweat slowly make its way down my face. The oxygen wasn't getting into my lungs and as I looked at the boy, the world grew dark.

You are a demon.

You have finally found your purpose, to kill.

Your fate has been decided, you were demon from the start.

Now your heart will be consumed with hatred and shame.

My eyelids blinked open. I looked at the unfamiliar ceiling and sat up. I was on a couch, in the Kazekage's home.

"You finally woke up."

I turned to my side to find the boy sitting on a chair. He didn't have the frightening glare Gaara had, I was glad about that.

"You passed out."

I looked at my hands and back at him, "I-I'm sorry. I just…I became afraid."

He asked, "Are you afraid of Gaara?"

I shook my head, "I'm afraid…I should tell you. I'm…like Gaara."

The boy chuckled, "You seem completely different. By the way, I'm Kankuro."

"No really. I…I have a demon inside of me."

"I know that."

I sat up, confused, "What?"

"A chunin came by telling us all the information."

"But you aren't…"

"Afraid? I haven't seen anything to be afraid of."

My mouth curved upwards at an edge, "I'm Nozomi."

"Nice to meet ya Nozomi. There's an extra bedroom next to mine that you can stay in for tonight. Oh that reminds me, you're not supposed to sleep tonight. But the Kazekage left you some papers to read, I put them on your bed already and the same chunin who told me about you brought you some clothes from your home."

Kankuro was trying to be nice, and I appreciated that. I usually never felt this kind of kindness from anyone, and I would cherish this moment.

"Th-thank you."

**Night came so quickly and I didn't want to be left alone.**

I sat on the bed in the guest bedroom. I had unpacked and placed my things in the cabinets, I didn't have a lot of possessions so it took me very little time to organize my things. I had dedicated myself to reading all of the papers the Kazekage has sent me. It wasn't much and I was quickly done. All that was sent to me said the same. It told me that I now possessed the demon Hachimata, the eight-tailed dragon inside of me. Why was Kankuro so nice? Shouldn't he be afraid, shouldn't he be worried? The papers had said that Hachimata was a calmer demon than Shukaku, the demon inside of Gaara. The letters also had information about Gaara. It told about Gaara's fragile temper. That he could never sleep or else the demon would gain control of his body.

"This is too much for one day." I sighed and walked out onto the small balcony that my room had. The moon wasn't visible tonight and Kankuro had fallen asleep many hours ago. The cold wind brushed against my skin and my hairs rose. I looked towards the roof of this home and saw the red-haired shinobi. His back was facing me, and he was staring at the sky. You'd think he was a statue, the way he sat completely still. His shadow didn't look human at all but was an organic form that looked more like a monster than anything. Cautiously, I approached Gaara. When I stopped by his side, he turned his head towards me and uttered in a calm, rude manner,

"What do you think you're doing here?"

I looked at my feet and felt ashamed, what was I doing there? Why was I standing next to someone who obviously didn't want me there?

I answered with trembling hands, "I-I know both you and me have um, demons inside of us and I wanted to k-know what it was like…"

Gaara looked away from me and again, I saw the pain that laid in his soul. The look in his eyes…I knew the feeling too well. He stared at where the moon should have been if it wasn't so cloudy tonight. Another breeze blew past us. An eerie silence overcame us and Gaara didn't answer my question.

"It comes out when the moon is shining."

I knew to what he was referring to but why didn't he answer my question? I sat down in hopes of getting to know this shinobi but as soon as I sat down, he stood up to leave. I turned my head and saw him walk away towards his room. He didn't glance back and I forced my head to look away. I looked towards the sky and the far away buildings that were so close. I hugged my knees and again asked myself the question that's never been answered.

My name means hope, but it doesn't suit me. I'm losing my hope; I can't count on life anymore. But what is my purpose? To be a demon? Or is there something else…


	2. Fate Of A Forgotten

The whole night I spent awake, looking out into the distance. The silence, isolation and lack of rest darkened my heart in those few hours. Is this the feeling that Gaara has? Is that why he is so withdrawn? 

I squinted my eyes when I saw the sun rising over the horizon. I stood up but my legs were trembling under my weight. The lack of rest made me much weaker. I tried to slide down the roof onto my balcony but I fell to the ground. The impact wasn't so severe since it was only a 4-foot drop but I did receive a bit of pain. I slowly lifted myself with my arms and on my knees, I opened the door and crawled in. How weak I must seem. I stood up and sat on my bed. The others would be awake soon, except for Gaara. He doesn't sleep either.

I don't know how long I sat there, staring at the floor. I knew I mustn't sleep and so I forced myself awake. I then heard a knock on the door of the room I was staying in.

"Hey Nozomi! Breakfast!"

Kankuro…Using the little strength I had, I stood up and walked towards the door. I opened it and used the wall to arrive at my destination downstairs. I could see Kankuro at the dining table about 15 feet away near the kitchen and living room. As I reached the last step, I slipped and fell onto the floor. The second impact was much more painful than the first. But I didn't want to appear as weak so I stood up as quickly as I could and ignored the gritting pain in my arm, which I had broken my fall with. Kankuro stood up and looked over to me,

"Are you okay?"

I nodded and walked towards him. I sat in an empty seat and tried to smile at Kankuro.

"Are you sure you're okay? You look like you really need your rest."

Then, a voice I had never heard of spoke from the direction of the kitchen,

"Of course she does! She didn't sleep. Idiot."

I looked up at where the voice was coming from and I saw a girl a couple of years older than I was. She has blonde hair and it was styled in four ponytails. I guess she was the elder sister in this family. When she looked at me and smiled, I looked down. I felt inferior, like I didn't belong. Truth be told, I didn't. I wasn't involved in a group of friends, or in a family.

Kankuro and the blonde girl started to converse about something I wasn't interested in. I closed my eyes and tried to block out the thoughts that now leaked into my conscience from the deepest depths of my heart. I didn't want to remember about the family I once had. Mother…father…and Miho. They were my world, my life, my happiness, and my sunshine. But then mother and father died and Miho stopped caring, stopped laughing and stopped smiling. I went through a substantial amount of pain after I became an orphan. I've tried to smile and tried to keep my head up but the walls surrounding me were dark and empty.

I'll never forget what Miho said to me one night after my parents had died. She had said to me,

"Nozomi, I rather not have you around. I despise you for reminding me of them. Just by looking at you, flashbacks of that day keep appearing in my mind. I want to forget that day and everything attached to my past and that includes you."

Those words created a wound that would never close. I still felt the pain of her words stabbing me like a hot knife. I couldn't believe she was my sister, would my sister ever say something like that to me? Before my parents died, my sister loved me and I cherished every moment with her. So how could she say something like that to me? Why? I never forgave myself for that. I blamed myself for her bitterness and despair.

"Nozomi?"

I blinked and exited the thoughts of my past. The elder sister and Kankuro looked at me in a confused way. I felt ashamed and apologized,

"I'm sorry. I guess I drifted off."

The blonde girl answered back, "It's alright. You haven't slept and I don't blame you. I'm Temari, by the way."

"I'm Nozomi."

Kankuro turned to Temari and gave her a grin; "I'm hungry."

Temari served us our breakfast after scolding Kankuro. It was a simple breakfast, eggs and toast. I ate slowly and when I finished, all I did was stare at my plate.

Later that day… 

I was walking with Temari and Kankuro to train. I hope my lack of sleep didn't affect my physical strength too drastically. To be thought weak from Kankuro and Temari would shatter all my hopes of escaping being alone. Maybe I didn't have to be, maybe this is a chance to escape from my previous life and enter a new way of living.

It turns out I wasn't as weak as I expected, my skills roughly match Temari's and Kankuro's. While I was battling Kankuro however, my weapons had cut him slightly across his cheek. It was only a small cut and it didn't harm him in any serious way but when I saw that blood streaking down his cheek, my eyes widened.

A pain erupted in my chest that was so sudden and so exhilarating I fell onto my knees, gasped and held the place where my heart should be. Kankuro and Temari ran quickly over to my side to see what was wrong. But as Kankuro came closer, the smell strengthened. A darkness inside of me was dying to get out. I could feel it's great chakra, overflowing in my veins. I felt my chakra grow immensely and my senses sky-rocketed. My nails grew into sharp daggers, I felt fangs touch my bottom lip, I was turning into a demon. The pain subsided a little and I stood up, my mind was clouded but all I could feel was anger and hate. I looked at Kankuro and smiled at him, he and Temari had a terrified look on their faces. I laughed, no, the demon laughed. Faster than Kankuro could see, I had my hand around his throat. I had put no pressure but as my nails barely scratched his skin, he started to bleed. Kankuro couldn't speak, it seemed.

'_No, this isn't right.' _I thought.

_'What am I doing? I don't want to hurt him! I don't want to be alone again!'_

The pain came back. I took my hand away from Kankuro's neck and fell to my knees. I, again, grabbed my heart. I opened my eyes and looked at my hand, it seemed I had pierced through my skin because my hand was covered in blood. This wasn't right, what was I doing? I almost…I could have…If I killed Kankuro, I would be alone again. Then everyone would hate me instead of cherish my presence. I would be a demon, just like Gaara. I didn't want to kill; I only wanted to be…no. I do not believe in love, it doesn't exist. I stopped believing in such a fairytale after my parents died and my sister disregarded me.

But wouldn't it be nice to live in a fairytale? I looked towards the floor, towards the blood; it was the color of crimson, the color of fear. Drops of water fell into the ground and mixed with the red blood.

'_Please…I don't, I don't want to be like this. I don't want to kill him.'_

I once gained control of my body, the pain stopped and so did the anger and hate. I looked at my hands and my nails were back to normal, but I did not stop crying. I looked up and saw their faces. Their expressions contained only fear, not concern nor sympathy, only fear…

This is what I had nightmares about. My worst nightmare is to find friends, so that I am not alone anymore only to have them ripped from within my grasp. I stood up and ran the opposite direction. I ran away from them and tried to wipe the tears that fell excessively down my cheeks. I lost my chance…I would regret battling with Kankuro for the rest of my life…

I ran away from that spot, from the blood and tears that I left there. I ran all the way to the spot where a year ago I found the boy that Gaara had murdered. The blood wasn't visible here anymore. Death, demons, hate, anger, loneliness, they all surrounded me, suffocated me. I couldn't breath, I couldn't think clearly. Where could I go? Who could I depend on?

I went to the only place I ever had, my sister's home. I walked straight through the front door and locked myself in my room. I sat there, on the cold floor, trying to contain it all inside. I was on the verge of breaking; my worst fear had come true. I would be alone for the rest of my life now. I sat there for frozen moments. Then, Gaara, Temari and Kankuro appeared in my room. I couldn't look at them in the face so I looked at the floor.

"Come with us." Gaara demanded.

I knew this had to do with what happened earlier. I couldn't hold back the tears, it came back. My sister preaching, my parents death and me, alone.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…" I repeated over and over again.

Temari and Kankuro walked over and lifted me up by my arms, I kept looking at my feet and repeating,

"I'm sorry…. I'm sorry…"

I closed my eyes and let them take me wherever I was supposed to go. I felt my feet touch the ground and I was left in a jail cell. The room was dark, with only one small window that I couldn't even reach. It was damp and cold…In here, I would stay for what pleased the Kazekage. I sat down and pictured what a perfect life would consist of. Temari and Kankuro were my friends, and so was Gaara. I was an excellent ninja and the village appreciated my being here. Wouldn't that be wonderful? Why don't I have that? Why does Fate despise me so?

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End! Well I had forgetton to tell you all earlier...

I'll be updating once a week on either Sunday or Monday. And I hoped you liked this chapter! But if there are many reviews saying to update, I might update quicker! It depends. I also want to thank my reviews but I'm not sure if I am allowed to do a reviewer reply in each chapter...so if you know could you tell me? Also, if you have ANY questions, don't hesitate to PM me!


	3. Release

Thanks to me reviewers for reviewing the last chapter. Now...I know some of you people have this story on your favorites and alerts and don't review. Please, I'm asking you to review for your sake and mine. If no one reviews, I'm going to think no one likes this story and I won't bother to post this up on fanfic anymore. So please...review!

_Also I named this chapter 'Release' for a reason. Whoever guesses it will be awarded...Um..I have to think of something. Maybe a sneek peak of the next chapter? Yeah! In my review reply I'll post up the chapter so they could read it sooner! But if I don't get that chapter written in time it'll be the next one._

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_I'll try to be someone else because you hate the real me. I'll try to pretend I'm not what I am, a demon in human skin. But could I really disguise myself so well? Would you pick me up when I fall, fall farther than I have before? Or would you, like everyone else, leave me to fend for myself? Every soul has a light, but I've lost mine._

I can't hold it in anymore, the wrath inside me had leaked over the top. I was screaming, yelling, and banging my fists on the walls of my cell until I bled. I cried and yelled till my lungs felt like they were going to burst with pain. Again, I felt those overwhelming feelings of anger and hate. And again, I went through my transformation.

I pulled out a kunai and shoved it in between the brick walls of my cell. Then I infused an enormous amount of chakra into it. All the chakra that infused me with anger and hate, I let go of it all. All the hate I felt towards my life, and fate, and even myself. The bricks started to crack and I kept going, I started to feel weak but my sanity had broken a long time ago. The bricks cracked and propelled forward with an ear-shattering noise. I saw citizens of the sand who were walking along the street look at me with horror in their eyes. I hated them all. The citizens started to run and scream and I smiled. I lifted my hand and condensed my chakra into a ball of fire. I threw it at the citizens in hopes of injuring them.

Then, without noticing it, my body was surrounded in sand and I was tied down by it, only my head wasn't being constricted by it. I growled and looked over and saw Gaara standing between the citizens and myself. His hand was held in front of him and his fist was open. He slightly closed it a bit and I screamed. The sand was squeezing my body tighter and tighter. It was harder to breathe. I wheezed but the anger was still in control of me. I released more chakra to put a barrier between the sand and my body. I expanded my chakra's volume and the pressure on my body was lifted. Gaara frowned and closed his hand partway. The sand was trying to squeeze and diminish my barrier but I smiled when he noticed his sand was weaker than my barrier.

"Are you trying to kill me Gaara?" I asked.

"You're a threat to this village. I'll have to kill you if you don't stop."

I laughed, "Isn't that what you are? We both have demons inside of us, killing and breaking us down to be released."

_'What am I saying? I don't mean that, I'm not a demon! Hachimata is controlling my body, my feelings. I will not be a puppet to this demon!'_

Just when my heart began to pulse with pain, the barrier cracked. The more pain I went through, the more my barrier cracked. The sand was now able to start make it's way into my barrier and break it more. I started to regain control of my body but it was too late, I looked up at Gaara and I tried to show that I was sorry for what I had said. His eyes widened with surprise but my barrier broke and the sand came to crush me.

_'I'm sorry….I'm so sorry. All I wanted was a purpose, a way to justify my existence. Maybe I was asking for too much.'_

But death did not come to me. I opened my eyes and Gaara was grabbing the side of his head. Just like that day…

"Why did you do that?"

I looked at him and saw the pain and suffering.

"I wanted to regain control of my body."

Gaara stopped grabbing his head and regained his former stability. He turned his back towards me and left. I sat on the ground until some jonins came and took me to another cell. It was just as bad as the other one, dark and desolate. But this time I did not turn angry or bitter. I waited until they decided that I had served my punishment. When they let me out, I had been in that cell for 3 days. The sun was too bright and my eyes couldn't stand the light. The jonin that let me out escorted me to the Kazekage's office. I sat but could not look at him in the face. I was ashamed to have let the demon get the better of my emotions.

"Baki, I assume you will take care of it."

The Kazekage was not speaking to me but rather, the jonin who brought me here. After the Kazekage spoke his sentence, I wondered when he said 'it' whether he was referring to the situation as it or me as a thing because I could no longer be considered human…

Whatever the case was, I was escorted out. I had no where to go so I decided to walk around the market. They hadn't fed me that day and I still had a little money in my pocket that could afford me a small bowl of ramen. As I walked around, I felt incredibly dirty and filthy so I ran to my sister's house to bathe and change.I was glad Miho wasn't there and I was back on the streets of the market in no time. Walking around had lifted my spirits until one woman pointed to me and yelled,

"That's the other demon! She's a monster just like him!"

I looked around at everyone and they all stared at me with fear and hate. The small children ran away from me and hid behind their parents. The adults stood a good distance away from me yelling out other insults. They were mostly telling me to leave and so I complied. I walked away with my head staring at the ground, heading for my sister's home. They despised me, feared me, is this how Gaara feels? When I arrived at what could hardly be called my home, I found a luggage bag with my things outside of the door. I tried the doorknob and it was locked.

**I no longer had anything to call a home.**

Where should I go? I had no choice but to request an appointment with the Kazekage. Even the secretary gave me a ghastly look. While waiting for the Kazekage, I sat on a chair outside of his office trying to hold back the tears. Before, no one noticed me, now they knew who I was but they hated me. The secretary soon informed me I could speak to the Kazekage. I entered his office and explained my situation then begged. I told him I did not have a home anymore. His answer was worse than I expected. I thought he was going to send me to an orphanage but instead, he told me to stay at his home. He explained that I was to be trained to gain control of the demon inside. I had to agree, again. The mission I was suppose to have before was given to another team because of my incident.

That night I stood in front of the door that led to the Kazekage's home. I knocked on the door and looked down when someone answered. I didn't dare to look at the person in the face.

"I-I'm sorry about everything. The Kazekage told me I could stay in this house from now on."

I could tell it was Temari who answered by the sound of her voice.

"Don't you have your own house to live in?"

"My sister doesn't want me there anymore…I am so sorry about what happened. I never intended…"

"Come in."

I lifted my face and looked at her. She didn't seem to hate me but I could tell Temari didn't entirely trust me either. Nonetheless, I was grateful. I rushed into the room where I had stayed before and didn't sleep that night. I wanted to go up on the roof with Gaara but…I couldn't. I stayed awake thinking what my sister must have felt like knowing I was now a monster. I didn't blame her for throwing me out; I could have endangered her life. No, just by having me in that house is a threat to her life. She wasn't a ninja so she would not have been able to defend herself against me if I got out of control. I raced to the bedroom where I had stayed when I was welcome.

I stayed in there and cried. It hurt so much, to lose the little you had in one day. I lost my dignity, my only family and my only friends. I wish they could understand, I wish they would forgive me and give me another chance. I sobbed into the pillow and drowned myself in my sadness. Tonight, I would let out all my emotions that have been locked up for years. I did not care if anyone heard me; I had the right to cry. After a while, I cleaned myself up so you could not notice that I had been crying.

Then I walked over to Kankuro's room and knocked on his door. I wanted to explain I wanted to be given another chance. He opened his door and froze when he saw me.

"Please forgive me and give me another chance!" I said to him before he could shut the door.

"I want to be given another chance! I never meant to hurt you, I never wanted to. It was the demon, he…he controlled my emotions and I promise to not let him do that to me again. But please…Don't…"

Even though I saw that he wanted to forgive me, I also saw that he was afraid. He closed the door slowly before I could finish. Then I finished what I was going to say to myself,

"Don't leave me alone…"

I looked at the floor and let a tear slip and fall. I turned to head back to my room, it was worth a chance. Then I saw Gaara in the hallway look at me. I was broken and hurt and I wasn't thinking when I said,

"Are you going to shun me as well?"

At first Gaara didn't respond. He just stared at me. Then he opened his mouth to utter,

"I'm already shunned."

I had forgotten that. I tried to apologize as quickly as I could, how could I be so insensitive?

"I am so sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you in any way."

"It wouldn't make a difference."

I looked at him; he was in my same situation. He was alone, and despised by everyone else because of the demon inside of him.

"I…don't think you're a demon, or a monster."

He looked surprised at my opinion. Like he had never heard those words before and as I thought about it, neither have I. But Gaara just stared at me, puzzled. Maybe he didn't know what to say in a situation like this. I looked at him, wondering how…

"How…do you stand it? The pain, the suffering, the lost…how? I…I just don't know how…" I said through the tears on my face. I covered my face with my hands and cried while softly asking how.

"I can't."

I fell to my knees and let my tears fall freely. I didn't want to stand it anymore. I heard a door open and Kankuro's voice said,

"What did you do Gaara?"

"Nothing, she is in great pain, that's all."

Kankuro kneeled down next to me and said,

"It's okay Nozomi. You can stop crying. I forgive you, I was just afraid, that's all."

I looked at him,

"You forgive me?"

"Yes, I forgive you."

And then I hugged him. I was forgiven for being a monster, I was forgiven for being neglected by the only family I had, and I was forgiven for my desire to become something. I had felt so happy to be alive because I was forgiven.

* * *

When you take a guess why you have to name **three** things.

Release of

Release of

and Release of

Two of the things are physical and one is an abtract noun. I'm sorry if this is confusing and if it is in you review saying you're confused I'll review reply and try to explain it.


	4. Fire and Bloodshed

I didn't reply to you if you didn't win. I'm sorry guys! I appreciate all you replying though and I will include a little review reply here

FrAnKiEHaRrY-lol I'm glad you liked it!

kakashi-vivi-not quite...

yourmaster-here's your update!

Hibiki-chan-thank you for your review! I'm glad you liked it.

Paprika012345-lol that's alright. I even confuse myself sometimes.

kakashi'sdaughter-thank you! I glad you think that. Well...you answered one...lol it's alright I might have more of these...'contests' thingies if it's not against the rules or anything. I'm not sure.

Lian B.-you are the winner! Well I kinda gave it to you late...so next time. I'll send the update to you quicker. You didn't really get your prize this time. I'm so sorry! But Congratulations! -parties-

Well this chapter wasn't so good but I made it nice and long for you guys. Review please! I need feedback on my stories so I can imporve them for you all!

* * *

_Maybe I didn't have to run anymore,_

_I've trying to run from my fears, my lies._

_But I don't want to anymore._

_I'll live for someone other than myself,_

_I'll promise to someone that I will protect them._

_Maybe that's how life should be lived,_

_Not the way I was living it._

_But could I still be a monster on the inside?_

_What if this didn't work out and I was broken again,_

_Have my way of life shattered, thrown against a wall._

My consciousness began to wake. I opened my eyes, was I dreaming? Were last night's events a dream? Was my life a dream and I have just woken up from it all? I looked at the room and smiled. I wasn't home, I wasn't in a home that I knew very well but I was with the people that maybe could understand and care for me. But I still missed…my past. I had a feeling of bitter-sweetness when I remembered the trail I was walked upon. How was my sister? Was her heart still full of regret and hate towards me? I wished so much that I could be the sister I was before to her.

Who am I kidding?

Life isn't perfect and fate isn't fair. Events don't always happen for a reason and nor do they happen to your benefit. But I have to be strong, not heroic or anything superior to just being human but, just strong. With that state of mind that was much more positive than I had been time, I walked downstairs to greet the new people who I was going to live with. I tried to look happy as Temari laid out breakfast for me. She sat down and immediately said,

"You look much happier-"

"I am happier."

She looked at me but before she could say anything else, Kankuro scratched his head while walking towards us from his room. He didn't have his clothing covering his head like he usually does. And it made me try to smile. Behind Kankuro, Gaara walked towards us as well. I saw his eyes, and then I knew I wanted to understand him. I wanted to know about him. He sat at the dining table and received curious looks from his sibling, I guessed he didn't eat with them often.

We ate in silence, but I noticed that Temari and Kankuro were looking at Gaara from the corner of their eyes. After the breakfast, all of us went to the Kazekage's office. I hadn't known we were heading there but Temari informed me 10 minutes before we left. When we arrived, we were immediately let in. I let Temari do all the talking to her father. I found something strange, she treated him like the Kazekage and not like her father. I thought maybe she wanted to show respect and that was how she showed it but he also treated her like she was another citizen with no personal ties. We left in silence, with our tasks clear at hand. It was simple, what we had to do. It was easy, what we had to do, right? The Kazekage said my attacks suppressed the real damage I could do so I had to change my fighting style.

So here we were, in the training grounds. Temari tried to hide her fear about me fighting again, I knew it, I could see it in her eyes. But I wasn't going to be afraid. I was going to do what I was here to do. Temari has a style in mind for me to convert to. She suggested that instead of me using real weapons, I use just my chakra as a weapon. She wanted me to shape my chakra into a knife-like shape, which I could use in close-range combat and for long range combat, I should condense it, and be able to throw it.

"But Temari, how is chakra going to inflict physical damage?" I asked.

She explained I should condense it into my demon's element. Fire. So basically, she wanted me to condense my chakra into fire and use that against my enemy. It didn't sound too good to me, those attacks would require mastery at chakra control. I could control my chakra but I wasn't an expert at it. Nevertheless, I had to try. First, we started with the long-range skills. To condense my chakra into fire, I only had to do one hand sign, the dragon.

'_How ironic.' _I thought.

I made the hand sign and tried to gather my chakra at the palm of my hand, at first I could only gather it for small amounts of time but after practicing, It could last longer. Then I tried to throw it at targets, which failed miserably. As a handicap, I used real kunais and gathered my chakra around them to throw them at my target. That worked much better, but I had to master the technique without my handicap. Too bad I ran out of chakra before I came close to mastering anything. But I kept pushing myself. When I exhausted all my chakra, I fell to the floor gasping for breath. But I had to keep on going; I didn't want to be useless all my life.

"You should rest now Nozomi. You've wasted your chakra." Temari suggested.

Gaara stopped Temari from nearing me and said, "Leave her. She has a demon in her so her chakra should have increased. That is, If she isn't too weak. "

Now I had to keep going. Gaara was starting to mock me, just like life itself did. I stood up and kept going at it. I made the single hand sign and condensed my chakra into fire, and then I formed it into a sharp, kunai-like object and threw it. I was getting better but now my body was screaming for me to rest while I tried to block it out and keep going. I wanted to learn this; I wanted to accomplish this today.

Three hours later… 

The sun was setting and I was alone. The other's had left, long ago. But I, I wanted to stay and try. I fell backward and broke my fall with my hands. I was gasping for air as sweat slid down the side of my face. It felt like an ice cube against my hot skin. My skin was burnt and discolored in several places. My body was weak but I would not let my consciousness slip away. My feet moved towards the home where I now lived in. When I arrived, the door was open and I let myself in. I made myself towards my room and fell in my bed to rest, both body and soul.

_This is a lie,_

_It's all a lie._

_They have a purpose for you,_

_And it's not something for a human to do._

_It'll tarnish your heart and rip your soul,_

_It will pain you more than you ever know._

I had woken up with a sore body when I headed downstairs after a shower; Temari told me that the Kazekage had called for me.

'_I've never heard her say father before. Why is that?'_

I obediently and immediately left for my requested presence. At the Kazekage's office, I was let in immediately. And again, the secretary gave me that same ghastly look as before. I entered and faced the Kazekage, a man of great strength and stature.

"Temari had informed me that you have been training to increase the strength of your fighting style."

He started.

I nodded my head and said nothing.

"Have you been practicing using fire?"

Again, I nodded my head.

"Good. Well do you think you can utilize that ability fairly accurately?"

"I think so."

"Well then, at 8:00 P.M. report here for your first mission. Please bring Gaara along."

My first mission? I wasn't ready for that. I knew I wasn't ready, regardless, when 8 o'clock came, I went. At around 7:55 I was already at the Kazekage's office. I had told Kankuro to tell Gaara about the mission and I hope he did. The minutes sluggishly past by and I became more nervous. My first mission? I didn't want to fail. Then, I saw Gaara walking towards me and my nervousness eased up a little. When he was within 5 feet of me, I walked up to him and asked,

"What do you think the mission will be about?"

He looked up and stared me down with those brilliant, gleaming eyes.

"What gave you the idea that I know?"

"I'm sorry, I'm just a little nervous."

Gaara turned away from me as the Kazekage's door opened. We walked in and sat, waiting for our orders.

"For your mission, you are to investigate the strength of the Konoha village genin. The Hokage knows of this and you two will be entering as visitors. You will head to Konoha starting in 10 minutes and your food will be supplied shortly. I expect you to be present at Konoha in two days. That is all."

It's been an hour since then. Gaara and I have been heading full speed towards Konoha. It was night, pitch-dark night. The night was so thick; I could feel it almost choking me. It suffocated my eyesight so I could not see well, nonetheless, we weren't slowing down. No words passed between Gaara and I so the hours passed slowly. After what seemed centuries, my legs began to bother me with pain. I bit my lip and ignored the soreness that was building up.

"G-gaara?"

"…"

"I was wondering, when we could rest?"

Without warning, Gaara tersely stopped. I paused as well and waited for him to explain his action.

"We can rest here for a while, I can't stand to have a tired weakling complaining."

I flushed angrily but I did not dare to open my mouth and defend myself. On the ground, I laid down on the grass while Gaara sat in a tree above. I felt safe knowing Gaara would not have trouble staying awake on guard duty. Without hesitation, I fell into a soothing sleep. A ray of light that was shining upon my face woke me later on. I sat up and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, then looked around. I failed to see Gaara. I scrimmaged through the food supply and found that Gaara had already taken his meal. While I ate my rice cake, I guessed I had been sleeping around 4 or 5 hours. It wasn't much but enough to go on. I looked around but I could not find the red-haired boy. I called his name but maybe he wouldn't even answer…

Then I sensed him. I looked towards the south and saw him walking towards me with his eyes closed, his head facing the ground.

"You slept for too long." He said.

I ignored his comment and started heading to Konoha. Jumping from branch to branch behind me, was Gaara. At mid-day, we paused to eat our lunch and I practiced my fighting style a little, disregarding the burns on my hands. Gaara was about 15 feet away and out of the corner of my eyes, I saw him looking at my wounds.

"Have you ever gotten injured, Gaara?"

I knew it was a silly question, but I curiously wanted to know. Gaara faced away and in almost a whisper said, "No."

I wanted to start a conversation and learn about him. We had one important thing in comment yet I hardly knew anything about the famous Gaara.

"Why haven't you been injured before?"

"…She doesn't allow it."

"Who?"

"My mother."

I pictured an unknown figure protecting Gaara from a swarm of shuriken and kunai.

"You must have a loving mother then." I suggested.

Instead of answering, as I would have preferred, Gaara stood up and ended our conversation but continuing on our journey. By sundown, the village of Konoha was visible. The hours that had passed were silence and forbidding between Gaara and I but inside my head, there was a debate brewing. I was wondering and deliberating all kinds of theories about Gaara. When we reached the gates, something stirred in me. I grabbed my chest and tried to suppress the powers of the Hachimata. I held control over my body but the whole time I was in that village, I felt the demon inside me trying to lash out for no apparent reason. We came to the Hokage's office when the sun had already set, at around 8 o'clock I would guess. The Hokage, which was an old man, welcomed us with open arms. He provided us with two rooms at a local inn, free of charge. I thanked him several times but he just brushed it off. The Kazekage had told him we were there to observe and learn so tomorrow, we would observe cell 7 in the midst of their training.

On the next day… 

Gaara and I had made our way towards the location where cell 7 would train. From afar, I saw a girl with pink hair, a boy with black hair and another with blond. I approached them with Gaara beside me. While the length of distance between us and them shrunk, the pain in my chest grew. I tried to ignore the pain and speak to them but I couldn't. My throat had been closed up and I stayed silent. They eyed the Suna headband that was around my throat and around Gaara's sash. They looked at us with peculiar faces but then a jonin appeared by their side and waved and Gaara and me.

"They're here to do WHAT!" Naruto yelled.

"Yes Naruto, they are going to observe our training." Kakashi answered.

"Whatever." commented Sasuke.

Gaara and I sat on the side while all three genin were training. I didn't see anything special or worthwhile so I let my mind wander. After their practice, Kakashi invited us to lunch, Gaara sat in the corner alone while Naruto and Sakura asked me questions. I talked a little but I didn't do well in crowds so I stayed silent most of the time. I say the black-haired boy, Sasuke, looking at Gaara ever so often.

The pain that I was feeling was bothering me so much, the pain was really sapping my strength.

After our little outing, Kakashi had left and we were left by ourselves. Naruto proposed a fight between either or Gaara.

"I won't waste my time on a weakling." Gaara answered.

Naruto became upset but then pointed his finger and declared a match against me. I shrugged my shoulders but complied. When we stood, facing each other, the pain became indescribable. I grabbed my chest and fell to my knees, gasping. Naruto was walking towards me to see what happened and my condition worsened.

"I wouldn't approach her." Warned Gaara in an uncaring way.

But they didn't listen. Naruto placed a hand on my shoulder and I lost control. My chakra and that of the Hachimata blended. I felt my fangs grow and my nails lengthen. I stood up and smiled at Naruto. His expression was confused at my sudden transformation.

"Finally…" I growled.

"What? What happened?" Naruto was asking me.

"I found you, **Kyubi.**"

I laughed and condensed my chakra into fire just like last time. I threw it at Naruto but as it was approaching him, it expanded and burst into fireballs. Naruto couldn't dodge all of them and was injured. Sasuke saw this and stepped inside. I looked at him with my head tilted. He threw kunai at me but all I did was step to the side. He started to run around me and throw kunai but I dodged them all with ease. He stood in front of Naruto once more and threw a kunai at me but behind me, a kunai was also thrown. I grabbed both of them and returned them to Sasuke but only as exploding bombs. Sasuke managed to dodge but he cut himself ever so slightly. I smelled the blood and the excitement in me rose. I felt my transformation strengthen and I grew a tail_. Now they all looked at me with horror._ **Wonderful.**

My tail was a long black, slick tail with spikes on it until the end. I ran towards Sasuke with incredible speed and punched him in the stomach, he coughed up more blood but it wasn't enough. I moved my tail around his body and rose him a little in the air. The spikes were barely touching him but they were still leaving their marks on his body as trails of blood. I squeezed him tighter and heard noises of pain escape his mouth. Then, the stupid girl tried to rescue him but all I did was throw a fireball at her and she was wounded enough to stay on the ground. Then the Naruto boy stood up; he wanted to defend his friend.

"Let go of Sasuke!" He demanded.

"Aww Kyubi, have you become a softy already? I never remembered you being the saving type. You took more pride in massacring villages and countries."

I squeezed Sasuke tighter and Naruto came at me. Before he ran at me, I ran past him and before he could take notice, I was already behind him. He looked at his body and saw freshly opened wounds on his arms and face. I had slashed him with my nails. I began to laugh but then Gaara stepped in. He took his sand and encircled it on my body and rose me up, just like before. I dropped Sasuke and he fell a good 10 feet until he crashed into the ground. The pressure tightened and I calmed down. I wasn't going to injure Gaara so I became quiet and didn't resist.

"Stop Nozomi." Gaara demanded.

I released the tension of my body and the Hachimata withdrew. I was myself once again but I was so tired. I was so….tired. Gaara lowered me to the ground and his sand withdrew inside his gourd. I was on the ground looking at the sky, it was dark, the sun was setting and the red color reminded me of fire…and bloodshed.


	5. A Life I Didn't Want to Lead

Chapter 5: A Life I Didn't Want to Lead

Fire and bloodshed, the two descriptions about my life. I couldn't think of anything better to name my pathetic and shameful life. I would live alone and hurt the people around me. That was my destiny, that was why I was born. To be the evil that a hero would vanquish. I curled my hand into a fist and sat up from the ground where I was. I looked around at my destruction. I had injured three genin and Gaara had to control me. I stood up and looked at him. His cold teal eyes bore into mine and I stared back at him with hate. I was angry at life and everyone around me. He didn't back down and neither did I, my fists burst into flames, I wanted to hurt anything that stood in my way.

"What do you think you're doing?" Gaara hissed.

"I'm leaving this despicable place. I can't stand that idiotic blond boy."

I walked and then broke into a run and I passed Gaara, I ran into the forest without looking back. I was angry with everyone who did nothing and knew nothing of me. While passing the trees, I lit the trees and flowers on fire. Their beauty I despised greatly because they didn't blend with my ugly life. I envied them, they had it so simple. When I grew tired, I sat in a tree, hugging my knees and watched my flames grow and burn the forest. I watched my wrath swallow and destroy the beauty around me. And I sat, watching the flames, they were extinguished after a while and I started to stare at the moon that was out tonight. A breeze swept by and I closed my eyes to inhale it. I turned my head and opened my eyes to where I sensed those idiots walking towards me. I could make out each one of them, Gaara, Sasuke and Naruto. I guess that girl might still be unconscious. When Naruto was visible, I could feel my fangs grow out. He ran towards under the tree I was.

"Hey Nozomi! Come down!" He yelled.

I growled at him, bearing my fangs.

He stepped back and was asking Gaara,

"What **is** she?"

Gaara kept his eyes on me and replied, "She's a demon."

Naruto turned from Gaara and faced me with wide eyes. His eyes held surprise and compassion, as if he knew about me and could possibly sympathize. He walked towards me and looked at me with a hard face.

"I also have a demon inside of me. I know it must be hard but-"

I laughed, "Haha, So you think you know me? Do you know anything about me? Do you think your pathetic words of wisdom and compassion could turn me around and make me a better person?"

Now he shuts up.

I stood up and turned my backs towards them.

"Don't come after me Gaara. I'm better off dead, so leave me be."

And I began to run, run as far as my legs would take me. I felt them running after me, those idiots. I meant it when I warned them. I sped up, trying to lose them. No use, they were fast. I sighed and came upon a clear area of land. I stopped there and waited for them. Gaara was leading them and he walked in front of me.

"You're returning with us, by force or will."

"Why can't I just leave?"

"It's my orders."

I stared at him. I wanted to leave and no one was going to command me. But I couldn't fight him; something inside of me wouldn't allow me to. I turned away and kept running. Whenever I came near, the birds and animals would scamper away for their lives. I knew they were running because of me. I was a demon, a monster. I was a danger to anyone; even Gaara had more control over his demon than I did. Without warning, I tripped and fell to the ground. I looked at what had caused me to fall and I saw sand surrounding me. Gaara's shadow came over me, but I felt no fear. I stood up close to him and our eyes met. Neither of us would back down.

I wanted to lock up all my emotions and hide them forever deep inside my heart. No one cared, it was all because of orders or the responsibility was dropped on them.

"I just want to be left alone! I don't belong with the others!" I screamed at him.

Gaara held his posture and his emotionless face; "I don't belong either."

I just stared at him. How could he be so calm, so kept together, so sane? I knew Gaara wouldn't stop pursuing me, he was stubborn. I sighed and released my anger and hate. Back at the village, Naruto was looking at me with a strange expression. So I walked over to him, ignoring Sasuke's glare.

"Why do you keep looking at me like that?" I asked, angrily.

"I've never met someone else who has a demon in them like me."

I ignored that boy for the rest of the stay; he bothered me by all means possible. That night, I snuck out of my hotel room ran to the forest so I could sit in a tree and watch the moon. It relaxed me; I didn't feel angry or hurt when I looked at the moon. Gaara and I were going to head back tomorrow from this village, I knew I wasn't welcome anymore. I've injured three genin without a valid reason. I hope I would never see those three again. I never wanted to come to this village again.

Back at Suna… 

I was locked in jail for assault against those genin. A jonin had arrested me the second I stepped into the village, along the way, I was informed how disappointed the Kazekage had been with me. I had disgraced the village and was being punished for it. I sat in the same damn jail cell twice in a row. They had repaired the damage I had caused but it was the same damp and cold hell. The only small window was taken out and the whole cell was in darkness save for a light in the corner of the room, it didn't light much but I could slightly see my own hands. It was their fault for my rash actions, it controlled me, it made me hurt them. I never wanted to.

But Gaara didn't help either, he didn't stick up for me but just watched them take me away once again. It seems as if he didn't care, which he probably didn't care for me. Why would he? He had no reason, so I couldn't blame him. I looked at my surroundings and breathed in the stench of misery and anger. The cell smelled of traitors, murderers and law-breakers. It smelled of sweat, tears, blood.

_But I wish…He cared._

I wish someone cared enough. All I could do now was wait in this cell until I was released. Then I would return to Gaara's home. Maybe the Kazekage wouldn't send me to missions that were outside of the city for other's safety. I was released from my prison that same day. I walked out from the police department building and headed for the Kazekage's home. While I was on the streets, the citizens avoided my eyes and distanced themselves from me. Little children shook and ran to hide themselves behind their parents while their parents and adults ran inside of stores or homes and even, stood, frozen in their place. I walked in and looked at the ground, ashamed. One person though, caught my eye. I saw the twist of long beautiful hair as a woman turned her face from me and headed into a store. I quickened my pace and headed into the shop, after her. At the corner of the shop, I saw the woman with lengthy, black, gorgeous hair, arm in arm with a man.

"Miho?…" I whispered.

I lifted my arm and stretched my hand out to her. Her back was still to me; she still couldn't notice me there.

"Miho…" My whisper became more audible.

As I was about to yell out her name, someone came from behind me and placed their hand on my mouth. Tears were forming on the edges of my eyes as I was taken from the shop to the front of the Kazekage's home in am abrupt, blurry fashion. Kankuro was the one who took me from the store. He opened the door and let me in. I sank to the floor,

"Miho…She, she was there."

"Nozomi, she doesn't want anything to do with you. I'm sorry but she ordered a restraint against you. You are never to speak with her." Kankuro stated.

"But my sister, she…she was my friend. I loved her and she…"

I had to let go. She didn't want me and I had to understand that, but it hurt so much. Miho was so kind to me before and we were there for each other, but now that I need someone to be there for me, she disappears. I stood up and walked into my room. I locked the door and stared out my window. After I watched the sun set in the distance, I heard someone try to open the door. Then I heard the lock open and Gaara walked in.

"We all have a mission tomorrow."

Great, that's all I needed now. Another mission to throw me into jail in.


	6. Not Human

"Not Human"

I didn't want to listen. I couldn't believe what they were telling me. The words were floating around my mind; they had to be lying. I stood in fear as the Kazekage told us what the mission was. I felt the sweat trickle down the back of my neck and my hairs stood up. The Kazekage's face was stern, and unbelievably serious. I began to open my mouth and speak,

"I-I can't perform this mission-"

"You **have** to. This is to protect the citizens of Suna."

I suddenly hated this village and more, the Kazekage. His cold, emotionless eyes wanted to maliciously murder me. He always kept placing me in situations that were slowly tearing me in broken, vulnerable pieces. His eyes were kept intently at me, staring me down into submission. This was wrong, it was inhumane, to force one to do this to another. I stared down into the floor,

"I understand."

My voice croaked while I tried to hold back my weakness and pain. As Temari, Kankuro, Gaara and I walked back towards the house, I walked behind them. I looked at them, while they all held their heads high, walking forward. In their own way, they were alone, but together. All but, I shifted my eyes towards him. His head was held high, but his heart wasn't. It couldn't be.

At the house, Temari and Kankuro avoided my eyes. I sat on the couch and tried to hold in everything I felt. It pained me in a way that, I felt numb cold, lost forever in the void. My thoughts rushed past me, my memories. I felt a physical pain in my lungs and heart. I would never forgive this village for what I had to do. Even in my death, I would feel remorse for this mission and hatred towards the Kazekage. As the rest of the day passed, all retreated to their bedrooms except me. I couldn't sleep while reality haunted me. The hours rushed by and morning came, I still couldn't sleep.

The others prepared themselves and so did I. I walked, lifelessly to take a shower in hopes of washing the dirt as well as my emotions away. I dressed and headed towards the Kazekage's office, as we walked, I saw my old home, and I felt more pained that I had in a while. At the Kazekage's office, We were handed masks in order to conceal our identity. Our mission was to be performed at midnight, while everyone was soundly asleep in their beds, in their wonderful lives.

The day passed so quickly when I wished it would stop. Midnight came and I walked with Temari, Kankuro and Gaara. I walked ahead than the others and came upon our destination first. I looked at my old home in hopes I could be forgiven. A strong, just person would have refused but I'm neither strong nor just. Gaara stood beside me and unlocked the door with his sand. We all had our masks on, except Gaara. I opened the door quietly and stepped inside. The smell of my past life filled my lungs. The lights were off but I could see just fine. I walked up the stairs while my legs shook from fear. I passed by my old room without looking at it and headed towards my sister's room. She had left the door unopened and she was sleeping. I smiled as I saw her innocence and her emotionless face. Her chest rose as she breathed in and out. Her beautiful hair covered part of her face as she slept, unaware of her destiny.

The others stood outside the door; they didn't want to witness this even though they have seen death many times. I walked over to my sister and I let a tear fall to the floor as I realized how much I cared for her. But I had to do it, she was miserable after our parents' death and my transformation. I realized she wouldn't live long anyway and maybe this was for the best. I cried as I recalled what we had been through together, what we had. The past didn't exist anymore but it should be remembered. I lifted my hand and the kunai that was in it. She didn't expect it, nor would she feel it. She just fell asleep and never woke up. Before I brought my hand down, I wanted to tell her the last words she would ever hear.

"I'm sorry Miho and I love you. You were the best sister even though it turned out worse in the end."

My hands were above hers, covered in her blood. The warm thick substance that was the life of my sister's, I now held. I shook feeling; I just killed a piece of myself as well. I saw her body, lifeless and cold and then…

Darkness. Did protecting other people really matter? Was it just to murder someone for the general population? What if that person wasn't dangerous at all, what if that was the person you grew up with? Or loved? Would that be fair? Is life ever fair? Little by little, day by day, I was submitting myself into a real demon. I could hardly be called human anymore because humans don't do the things I have done. I wish it could be different, I wish I could be done with life. It was so painful to be here, it hurt so much to live. I survive one day to only suffer more the next. So was it all worth it? Was it worth to live another day only to be pushed into doing things like murdering your only family?

**But I was just as guilty.**

I could have refused and felt proud and human. But I, I have no excuse. The walk back to Gaara's home was the loneliest and coldest I had ever felt. It didn't hurt but I felt something worse, I felt the emptiness that was inside me. The empty void had devoured anything and everything that had once been inside, the emptiness left plenty of room for the cold. I began to physically shiver, the early morning was never this cold before, and it was never this dreadful and empty before. I could never be described as irreproachable because I was plainly the opposite; I was the fault of everything and I knew it.

The days passed by thoughtlessly after that. I never tried to smile again; the hope in me had been extinguished, like the fire in my chest. My demon seemed to be under control but maybe that was because I had no life anymore. I felt like a discarded doll a child left and grew up without. I felt like the casted away friends when their only friends moves away and is never heard of again. After that mission, I was given meaningless missions, things that children could do without effort. In the Kazekage's home, every night I would enclose myself in my room and shut out the world, there was only the emptiness, there was only me. I would whisper my sister's name in empty emotions, in meaningless tears. That night, I thought about running away and trying life anew. Pretending this was all a dream I could live again. I started to pack up my things and the little money I had from the petty missions. I opened the window and felt the door open.

"You're pathetic. You live without a reason, without an existence. You might as well be dead."

Of course, it was Gaara. I looked towards him and answered,

"You're right. I might as well be dead. So I'm leaving and I'm going to forget that I ever was in Suna or that I ever was a ninja. I'm going to forget my name and my self. I'll live somewhere else and have a new family. I'll be happy."

He squinted his beautiful, powerful teal eyes at me, "You disgrace anyone with a demon. You gave up too easily and have shown how weak you are. Even that blonde boy wasn't as weak as you."

Suddenly, the emptiness was filled with feeling again. I thought of that insolent blonde boy, Naruto. My void was now a burning ember; I was filled with malice towards the word 'weak'. I found feeling again. Gaara now gave me my existence back. I could feel the Hachimata's voice echo threw me.

'_Kyubi, I will defeat Kyubi. Kill that boy and kill the fox.'_

How could I say no? I turned to Gaara and closed the window, through my mouth I uttered a curt,

"Thank you Gaara."

He closed his eyes and turned away, heading probably to his room. I really didn't know why I felt so much hate and anger towards that idiot, I don't know him. Then without realizing it, I knew. The Hachimata had some sort of grudge against Kyubi and in turn, Naruto. Although this wasn't a good reason to base my existence upon, I wasn't going to lose my only reason to live. I needed something to keep walking forward for and this was it. To learn and beat Naruto so that the Hachimata's anger will cease. He was a part of me and I, of him.

The next day, I went straight to the Kazekage to learn about the Hachimata. He told me that the Hachimata and the Kyubi were in a feud for the last 700 years. The Hachimata hated the Kyubi because being a fox Kyubi was very conniving. He tricked the Hachimata when he was a young demon, only being 100 years of age, and told him if he was trapped by a human he would gain 100 more years of experience, thus growing a tail. The Hachimata believed him and he let a human trap him and he's been seeking revenge on the Kyubi ever since.

I still despised the Kazekage. I still hated him for what he did to me. But I wasn't going to do anything about it so I ignored my mental cry for blood. I raced back towards the house to grab my things and train. I was at the training grounds and began to practice my fighting style. I had developed my skill and had a sufficient understanding of how to use it. I made my hand sign and started to throw my fireballs at a target, I counted how many I could throw. My aim was precise and I wasn't wearing out anytime soon.

"45, 46, 47"

I could still go on. Now I tried to be moving and hitting the targets at the same time. I leaped around, ran, tumbled, fell. It was difficult to create a real battle environment with only one person.

"You look disgraceful."

I tripped when I heard someone speak. I looked to the side and saw Gaara. How had he appeared without my knowing? He walked next to my target,

"I'll be striking you."

I stood in my stance, ready. The cork violently exploded off of his gourd and the sand spilled out like a live, murderous beast. At first the sand came slowly at me but then the speed rose. I had to run and dodge the small waves of sand to try hitting him. My aim wasn't the best but I always hit within 3 feet of him on either side. After 20 minutes or so of doing this, my aim was more precise. I kept hitting Gaara with my fire, although his sand always protected him, if this was a real battle, I would be inflicting damage.

I soon tired and accidentally tripped when sand grabbed my ankle. I threw my flame at the sand and pushed it off my leg. More sand came at me and like a fire-thrower, I was pushing the sand away. My chakra was tiring out and I decided to take a rest.

"Nozomi, do you envy Naruto?"

I looked at Gaara and his powerful eyes. His tone of voice wasn't sweet or kind but pained and it had the deep scar of loneliness in it. I thought about his question carefully before answering,

"Maybe a little. He does have friends and they obviously don't shun him. But maybe he also has difficulties because of his demon."

I was glad Gaara was opening up to me. It made me feel warm, to have someone I could speak with who goes through the things I do. We both weren't entirely human but we did die as other humans do. We also cried and pained and break. I wondered if there were any normal humans who understood that instead of fearing us.


	7. The Feeling I Never Knew

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto but I own Nozomi!

"The Feeling I Never Knew, The Feeling of Love"

The silent breeze of the night lifted my soul into a meditating-like trance. The darkness filled me and I felt at home with the stars and the absence of sound, sitting here, with Gaara. I thought of life and how my future will lie out in front of my feet. Will I simply walk upon the path given to me or fly above the clouds and create my own? Will I fall, thinking I'm flying, until I've hit the ground? I want to live my dream, my fantasy or walking that road with someone. I did not want to feel alone, I wanted the deep throbbing in my heart to leave me at once and leave me, in peace. But those were all just childish dreams, along with the rainbows and innocence in childhood. Finding happiness was my childish dream.

"Gaara…" I said, with a tone of voice that had no emotion, flat, "Do you think, we'll find a place where we can live and live without being hated?"

"Your dreams will be wasted," He responded, breaking the only string that held me to my fantasy.

Thinking of my wishes, the pain in my chest deepened. I winced from the pain.

'_How can I live like this?' _I thought.

My past and the things I fear the most are the events in my past. It haunts me even so, in the night, I turn to look over my shoulder. I turn to see it running towards me, trying to envelop me inside my own sins, my own seeds of destruction. These nightmares, this pain, it must be an illusion. I don't feel alive; I don't fee like I have a soul. But…when I look into his eyes, I feel…as though I may not suffocate from my own fear. I don't think I could ever be cured from my own shame and disgrace but…seeing him may lighten my burden. The burdens I feel, is the darkness in my cold heart. My burdens never seem to fade but I have to face them to live, to accept myself and the monster that is me. Although I know I have to accept it…I still…feel that tormenting pull on my heart, my soul. The pull of guilt that refuses to let me move on.

I can't be afraid, I have to stand up straight and not look down, but taking action is harder than it sounds. I looked to my side and saw the boy staring at the stars. The light of the moon reflected onto his face and his pale skin tone shone with a brilliance I've never seen before. His teal eyes also reflected the light and he almost looked, happy. It must be the light that's creating an illusion but I almost though I saw a glimmer of happiness and acceptance. My heart began to pound as I thought of how he must feel. My chest swelled with sudden self-consciousness and my hand rose to my head and I combed my hair behind my ear.

"Gaara…you…look-"

He turned his face towards mine. My cheeks felt hot and I looked towards the ground. The intensity of his stare made me feel nervous.

"You look, peaceful." I finished.

He didn't answer but just kept his gaze on me. I kept looking at the floor.

"Why did you say that?" He asked. His voice was calmer than it had been only 10 minutes ago.

I thought about how late it must have been getting but he was pushing for an answer.

"I-I don't know. When you were staring at the sky, you looked, at rest."

I finally looked up to meet his eyes. His eyes encircled me and made it their slave. The deep furrow that was always above his eyes cleared. He finally looked his age, at teenage boy at 14. He looked almost vulnerable and I felt strange. A silence of awkwardness filled the space between us and my stomach was swirling with the strange nervousness I now felt.

I stood up; "It must be getting late. We should head back."

Gaara stood up as well and we walked side by side, to his home. It was then that I notice how tall he really was. I had never been this close to him but he was a good 2 inches taller than I was. I laughed inside, I was happy. We did not speak on the long walk home but I didn't mind. I knew he wasn't angry because of his expression. When we walked in through the door, Temari and Kankuro were having dinner.

They looked at us and primarily at Gaara. Gaara took a plate of food and headed to his room without uttering a single word to either of them. Kankuro looked at me,

"What happened?"

"uh…nothing." I replied.

"Gaara looked happy. What happened?!" The tone of unbelievable surprise was clear.

I sat down and tried to hide my smile while I whispered, "We just trained and poke, that's all."

Temari teased me and she was clearly surprised as well, "Do you like Gaara?"

I looked at the both of them and their stares were just as bad as Gaara's. They were **definitely** related.

"I..uh…no! Why do you think that! I was just talking to him-"

"Whew! I wonder what kind of training puts Gaara in that kind of mood!" Kankuro joked.

I blushed and denied the fact that I did anything wit Gaara. We ate dinner and laughed, joked and spoke. The mood was cheery and I felt…at home. I felt as if this was my real home and I was gleeful like a child. A child who hasn't been through what I have. I felt as though I belonged to a family. When it was late and we all retreated to our rooms, as soon as I closed my door, I spun around to release the happiness I contained. I felt silly but my excitement and bright attitude overcame that.

I wanted for all of us to stay in the living room and have a light hearted conversation but I was being too childish. So after I calmed down a bit, I wandered to the roof and saw Gaara. He looked different though, because he had taken his gourd off. I walked next to him but he kept looking at the moon.

"May I sit here?" I asked.

He didn't answer so I took that as a yes. I sat and stared at the moon with him. I brought up my knees and hugged them. I closed my eyes to feel the light breeze flow into my lungs and through my hair. I felt calm and peaceful just as Gaara had seemed only a little while ago. I thought about how much money I had saved up from my mission. I had a decent amount of money and decided to buy new clothes, the clothes I had now were worn out. Soon, I retreated to my room but before I left I turned to Gaara,

"Goodnight."

I jumped down from the ceiling to my small balcony and opened my glass door. I closed it after me and changed before I fell upon my bed. I slept soundlessly and smiled at tomorrow's date, my birthday.

When I awoke, I quickly took a shower and headed downstairs to eat some breakfast. No one was awake yet so I took some bread and left. I walked out into the morning's soft light. It was around 8:00 so not many people were out. I walked over to a clothing store and started to browse around the clothing. My happiness form yesterday still wasn't extinguished so I smiled and said good morning to practically everyone I saw. No one recognized me as the girl with the demon and I was relieved that no one was yelling at me or calling me a monster.

I found a pair of brown pants that reached up to my knee. They were simple and perfect for training. Then I saw a shirt that resembled my shirt a little but it was a teal color. The shirt reminded me of Gaara but I'm not exactly sure what possessed me to buy it. Nonetheless, I changed into my new outfit and walked around the town. It was 11:00 now so I headed back, I didn't want to worry the others. When I opened the door, Kankuro, Temari and Gaara were eating breakfast. They looked at my clothing and I explained,

"I always buy a new outfit for my birthday. It's how I celebrate."

I smiled when Temari came over, "How cute! You look so pretty! It's your birthday? We have to celebrate."

Kankuro agreed with her but Gaara said nothing. Temari planned to take me to an expensive restaurant to have dinner. I hadn't had a celebration for my birthday since my parents passed away. My sister didn't really bother about it. After their breakfast, Temari insisted she buy me more clothing.

"No really! It's okay Temari. I just bought myself-"

"I'm buying you new clothes!"

She dragged me out the door and she took me around to buy me new clothes. We seemed to have stopped in every clothing store in Suna but finally Temari found a dress that she wanted me to have. It was the same color as my shirt, as Gaara's eyes. It was a short dress that was a little below my knees and it was strapless. It had silver designs of dragons on the side, it was breath-takingly beautiful. Temari forced me to try it and I felt self-conscious as I cam out with this revealing dress on. After Temari bought me this gift, she dragged me to a store that sold shoes. She bought me some low heel silver shoes that almost looked casual.

"Th-thank you Temari. Really this is too much." I uttered.

"Don't worry about it. You deserve something nice. Oh! You still need jewelry."

We entered the final store and looked around for a necklace and earrings. I found some silver earrings that were as large as a pinky nail and the earrings were in the shape of a little heart. In a glass case, Temari found the most exquisite necklace. It was white gold with a thin chain and the pendant was heart with a keyhole in the middle. The necklace came with another necklace that looked as though it was made for a boy and the chain was thicker while the pendent was a key.

"Aw! How sweet!" Temari gasped as she saw it.

As I looked at it, my heart fluttered. How I longed to have someone else be the key to unlock my heart. I wished to have a person that could be there for me. Temari looked upset once she saw the price.

She complained, "I don't have enough money for it. I'm so sorry Nozomi."

I nodded my hear, violently, "No! Please don't be sorry! You've bought me so many things. I feel so thankful for having such a wonderful friend. You've given me more than enough."

Temari smiled at the fact I called her my friend. I hadn't noticed that I did consider her my friend. I smiled as well as we headed back home. When we arrived, neither Kankuro nor Gaara were present. Temari suggested that they went out to buy me a gift. I stumbled and almost tripped when she told me that.

_Gaara? Buying me a gift?_

I tried to keep my heart inside my chest, I thought it would break open my chest as how hard it was pounding. We had spent quite a while shopping and the sun was setting as Temari and I chatted the day away. Finally Kankuro and Gaara returned with a bag. Kankuro told me he would give me his present after the dinner, truly, I had no problem if he didn't even buy me anything.

We all bathed and changed to get ready for the restaurant. It was a sophisticated place and so we had to look presentable. I looked nervous when I stared at myself in this dress. I hadn't worn a dress for so long, I forgot how strange it felt. Temari knocked on my door and urged me to hurry,

"We're waiting for you."

I rushed out of my room and walked downstairs. My face exploded with heat as I saw Gaara's and Kankuro's gaze on me. Temari was wearing a gorgeous red long dress that came around her neck. It showed a little of her back and her hair was as it always was. Kankuro and Gaara had the same clothing on. Kankuro had a white shirt with black pants and so did Gaara. I felt nervous and I was certain I was going to trip down the stairs but I didn't. I made it down safely and we headed out to dinner.

The restaurant was so clean and decorated. We sat at a table for four. I was sitting next to Kankuro and Temari so Gaara was right in front of me, since it was a square table. I ordered what I thought was pasta, since all the food had fancy names. We talked about random things and Kankuro said his jokes to make us all laugh. I was turning 14 but I didn't feel 14. I had a wonderful time and I was sad to leave when we were done. We were walking side by side and from left to right it was Kankuro, Temari, Me and then Gaara. Gaara was silent as always but I was listening to Kankuro and Temari. When we got back home, we all sat in the living room and Temari brought out a cake for me. We all sang happy birthday and I blew out the candles. Kankuro went upstairs to fetch something but came back quickly.

"Happy birthday Nozomi! Here's your present."

I took the small box from him and opened it to find two clips for my hair. They were white gold and had an amethyst rock at an end.

"Thank you Kankuro! I love it." I yelled and hugged Kankuro.

Gaara then stood up and called out to me, "Your gift is in my room." He walked upstairs and Temari elbowed me softly to pursue him. I followed him to his room. He opened a drawer and lifted up a small box from it. He handed it to me and I took it. Before I opened it, I opened my mouth to ask something from him.

My heart was pounding again, I'm sure he could hear it too.

"D-do you um…want to watch the moon with me?" I stuttered.

He blinked, confused but turned and headed up to the roof. I followed him and held a hand to my chest to calm my heart. On the roof, I sat next to him and opened my gift. It was a small white box with a silver lace around it. I pulled off the lace and lifted the lid. I emotionlessly stared at what was in the box. It was the necklace I saw with Temari at the store. The necklace that had a heart with a keyhole which brought another necklace with a key.

"Gaara…why…did you buy me something like this?"

"You don't like it."

"No, I love it really. This…you shouldn't waste your money on me. This was too expensive. But, this is wonderful. I fell in love with it when I saw it at the store. Thank you so much. This is the most wonderful present I've received all evening."

I looked at Gaara but the moon captivated his interest. I held the heart necklace and closed it around my neck. I held the heart pendant in my hand and looked at the key.

No, I couldn't give it to him. I smiled and closed the lid.

Once again, I said his name. "Gaara."

I left the box to the side and brought my arms around him, "Thank you."

I could feel the tension in his body and the sharp intake of breath he made.

I wanted to give him the other half of my gift, but I couldn't…

A tear slid down my face and dropped onto his arm…

I wish that my life could be like this, forever…

But I knew better…

As long as you're here…

It'll be alright…

I'll be fine…

Even if my life destroys me, even if the monster inside me shatters my life…

I'm here for you. Gaara.


	8. Sin

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto but of course, I own Nozomi and this story.

* * *

"Sin"

The feeling of his warmth against me, the surprise in his eyes. I released him from the grip of my arms. Before another second passed, I ran back to my room. I breathed heavily as I closed the door and slid down to the floor.

'What have I done? Gaara's probably going to avoid me…I shouldn't have let my feelings get the best…' 

I turned to look out the window and I hoped that Gaara wouldn't come. I prayed to whoever was listening and I begged. I stared at the stars and calmed a bit. My heart was beating and I could hear the blood pumping through my ears. I stood and changed, then laid down on my bed. I held the pendant as if my life depended on it, I would wear this, for the rest of my life alive. I made a promise to myself, that I would never come to harm Gaara or take this necklace off. But I was afraid, of what, I did not know. I had a sickening feeling in my gut and I bit my lip. The metallic taste in my mouth was foul. I touched my lip slightly and felt the tips of my fingers moist with thick, crimson blood.

After I washed my lip and changed into my normal clothes, I sat on my bed. Gaara couldn't sleep but I could and I was filled with sudden guilt. Without much thought, I left. I left towards the forest on the outskirts of the village.

Destruction. The act of annihilation. I watched the leaves crumple up, burning, engulfed in flames. I saw as each petal of the once majestic, pure, innocent flower withered into gray and fell to the ground as ash. I lit all the beautiful nature around me, in flames. Their grace stirred the beast within me. Watching the wind move the flowers in such a peaceful way made me envious. As the voice of the monster filled my mind, a wrenching guilt throb enveloped my heart. I gasped and fell to the ground. That maniacal laughter shook my body as if I, myself, was laughing. The voice wanted to feast on the blood of another, it wanted revenge on Kyubi, it wanted to be free.

The air refused to enter my lungs; I was choking, gasping for air. My mind was blank; my body was involuntarily moving, violently. In my mind I could hear the monster's laughter. He was laughing at my death. When my eyes were blurring and my heart stopping, air once again filled my lungs in a painful surge. I gasped and breathed heavily as my eyes came into focus and my heart had slowed its beating.

The Hachimata was laughing with joy. He had enjoyed watching me suffer.

_'It was nice to see how much I could control your life. That was entertaining. You see your life is in my hands. I could easily cut the path of your lungs by placing my chakra as a barrier. I could torture you by simply encircling your heart with my chakra and placing pressure on it. So, it'd be wise to do whatever I say.'_

You bastard…If I die, you'll die too. All I have to do is kill myself and you're done for.

_'But can you cause me pain?'_

Anger arose in my body. I hated the demon inside, I wish I could tear it to pieces.

_'Child, your purpose includes me. Without your purpose, you'll end up dead anyway.'_

What do you mean by purpose? I don't need you.

_'The reason the Kazekage brought you into his home. He has a mission for you and it includes myself.'_

What's the mission?

_'You don't need to know. You might struggle.'_

Tell me.

_'Impatient aren't we? Very well…The Kazekage wants his son to die.'_

What? Which one?

_'The one with the weakling Shukaku.'_

Gaara? Why? No, I will not kill him.

_'You have no choice you pathetic mortal. I'll take over your body and kill him. Do you know why the Kazekage allowed you to live in his home? It was to increase the bond of you and the boy. Then, he wouldn't suspect his death.'_

You disgusting, filthy…

_'It's the Kazekage's will. Once he gives the order, I'll take over your body and kill him.'_

I won't let you.

_'You think you can stop me? The boy will die at your hands. That is your purpose.'_

That is not my purpose!

I left the forest and returned to Gaara's home. As I ran towards it, I could see Gaara's shape on the roof. His head tilted down towards me but I could not see his face. I ran as fast as I could, tripping over vines, getting cut by branches. I wanted to leave that place as quickly as I could.

_'Do you think you can run from me? I am inside you child.'_

'NO!" I screamed.

I fell on my knees and grabbed my head. He wouldn't go away, I wanted him to leave. As I fought with myself, the Hachimata portrayed pictures of Gaara's death in my mind. I screamed and brought my knees so close; I was in the shape of a ball. I held each arm with a hand as I felt my nails grow and my fangs cut my lip as they grew.

I could feel the presence of someone appear near me.

It was Gaara. I wanted to yell at him to get away but the Hachimata was controlling me. Then, my body was moving on its own. I felt myself jump onto Gaara and he did not have his sand. I saw his confused expression and the Hachimata held his throat with one of my hands. He was going to kill him, right here.

But I wouldn't let that happen. The Hachimata may control my body, but not my mind.

Blood dropped onto Gaara. I felt immense pain run through my arm. I had driven my fangs into my arm, the arm that was on Gaara's throat. I felt the control of my body return to me and my fangs and nails retreated. I closed my eyes and when I opened them, my teeth were still on my arm. I trembled, as I was half a foot away from his face. His eyes held surprise as he looked straight at me and disregarded the blood that fell onto his skin. I lifted myself up off of him and he stood, rigid. I looked at the ground and held my arm, which was bleeding freely and extraneously.

Through the pain, I choked out, "I'm sorry."

The distasteful feeling of my blood in my mouth made me sick. The pain only worsened it. I tried to stand and walk. I walked towards Gaara's home. I think he just stood there, I did not turn to see. I had to enter through the front door and Kankuro and Temari raced down the stairs. They were in shock and Temari raced to retrieve the first aid kit. Kankuro ran over to me and laid me on the couch, I could hardly move my arm but the pain was still there. Temari cleaned my wound and bandaged it up. I was breathing heavily, I was tired and I lost a fair amount of blood. The pain was retreating, as Temari had covered my arm with ointment.

They were asking me what happened but I had no strength to tell them. I heard Temari telling me that my wound ran like a streak from my wrist to my elbow and that it barely missed a vital vein. I was still breathing heavily but then Kankuro asked me another question. I heard him clearly because it was about Gaara.

"Was Gaara there, did he see your blood?"

"He…Hachimata controlled me and pinned Gaara to the ground. I…regained control and bit myself. Blood fell on Gaara. I came here."

Once Kankuro heard that my blood fell on Gaara, his face was full of fear. Kankuro looked at Temari and left the house. Temari removed the bandage; the blood had leaked through. She tried to stop the bleeding of my arm when Kankuro returned with Gaara. Temari looked at once and sighed when she saw Gaara standing there. There was a pool of blood on his shirt and I wanted to apologize. He just stood there, watching. I closed my eyes, and drifted into sleep.

When I awoke, the sun was shining and the house was still. My arm was covered in bandages but the pain had faded away. I felt relived once I remembered- I saved him. I had saved him from my weaknesses. None of this would have happened if I wasn't weak enough to submit myself into possessing a demon. But I overcame that weakness and saved him.

I sighed with calmness and stood. But the Hachimata's words still haunted me. The Kazekage wanted Gaara dead but I couldn't do that. There was no choice but to protect Gaara and defy the Kazekage's will.

It will be hard, to overcome the Hachimata but I can try. I did yesterday and I can do it again. I was glad I did not feel the emptiness I had felt only a week before.

As the others awoke, I did not try to hide my feelings. I was happy but afraid and I told them so. I told Temari, Kankuro and Gaara that I was afraid I would hurt them, I was sorry for the trouble I caused. But I also said, I would try. I would grow to overcome my weakness and maybe even use it for the better.

I tried to reassure them and they smiled and even though I did too, inside I could still feel the fear and the Hachimata. I'm sure Gaara knew as well. We spoke of things rather calmly as if nothing had happened. Temari asked how my wound was and I thanked her for treating me. The Kazekage called us upon in the later afternoon. Gaara and I were assigned a mission in Konoha again. I thought about the boy Naruto, and decided I didn't have to hate him. He might be a little different than others because of the demon.

The Kazekage eyed my injury and asked what had happen.

I bowed and apologized, "I'm sorry Lord Kazekage, I was training and my ignorance lead to my wound."

He brushed it off and we headed home. Temari treated my wound again and that night, Gaara and I prepared for our trip to Konoha. We were to go to Konoha and send a message that was in the form of a letter to the Hokage. The next morning, we left. I had grown a littler stronger than the last trip because I did not tire out as easily. Gaara was quiet as usual throughout the three-day trip. I did not mind and I sighed out of relief once we arrived. We arrived in mid-day when the genin were training. Once we delivered the message, we were free to walk around until tomorrow when we would leave. I saw Naruto, Sasuke and the girl over by the forest.

"Gaara? Could I apologize?"

He didn't object so I walked over to them while Gaara followed. As I reached them they stopped to look towards me. I saw the girl step back in fear and the two boys stare. Once I reached them, I looked at them in the eyes. The pain that I felt last time was only a small hindrance.

"I apologize for my outburst the other time. I could not control the demon inside of me."

Sasuke glared at me, of course, he did not trust me. The girl stayed where she was and Naruto, he understood. He walked up to me and offered his hand. He smiled and I shook it. I looked at the girl and walked up to her. She was hostile but I apologized directly to her.

"I'm sorry for the injuries you must have sustained."

Gaara and I turned our backs to them and headed out.

"Gaara, may we leave tonight?"

"Why?" He coldly asked.

"I don't want the Hachimata to take control again."

We left that night. We camped out near the border of the village limits and rested. Before I fell asleep on the ground, I looked up towards the moon and saw Gaara on a tree limb, mesmerized by it.

Then I whispered to myself, "I'll protect you Gaara…"


	9. Save me Pt1

I'm so sorry about the huge wait, my computor was down and I only got it fixed last night. So I tried to update as quickly as possible but I can't until Friday because this week is midterms.

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Chapter 9:

"Save Me" Pt.1

My consciousness slipped in and I awoke. I lifted myself from the ground and looked for Gaara. He was sitting on a limb above, I had forgotten he couldn't sleep. I felt guilty, I could enjoy the leisure of resting my body and mind. Gaara didn't have that luxury at his disposal. I wondered when was the last time he had laid on a bed and slept. I had no time to indulge in my curiosity; we had to continue to Suna.

As we jumped from tree limb to limb, I wondered what would have happened if I had killed Gaara. Where would I be if I hadn't injured myself to protect him? I couldn't help but remember the flashes of Gaara's death that the Hachimata had shown me. I was overcome with nausea and I paused to rest. He pit of my stomach was full of guilt and disgust. I bent over and vomited.

When my nausea subsided and my body shook it's voice entered my head.

'_Feeling sick? Feeling **guilt**y?_

This was my imagination. I'm imagining him-

'_I am as real as you are. We are one.'_

I am my own person. I'm not foolish enough to submit to your mind games. You are not me.

'Do you think we are so different? I'm not the only murderer. I did not even have to threaten you for you to move on your own impulse and murder your family.'

My family? You don't know me, demon. The Kazekage forced me to kill my sister! My mother and father died from a disease.

'Is that what you tell yourself to feel innocent? Do you want me to remind you who was responsible for your parent's death? Don't you remember when you were younger, you lead your parents into a forest…They followed you when you came across a poisonous insect. They were bitten protecting you because you were foolish enough to approach that insect. You lead your parents to their death, you weak fool!'

Liar! I can't even remember that! If I had been the cause of my parents' death, I would feel horrible and guilty but I don't because it wasn't my fault!

'Nozomi, you've been lying to yourself to free yourself from blame. It's a human instinct, so the mind's sanity won't collapse.'

The Hachimata said this with such care in his voice…It almost sounded as though he had sympathy for me. But no, he was a demon, a monster I wanted gone.

I blocked out the Hachimata's voice from my mind, he was lying, after all. I knew perfectly that I was not to blame for the death of my parents.

'Do not ignore me. I will make you realize how real I am. I am not one of your fantasies.'

My lungs contracted and no air entered. My mind blanked having no blood, my heart stopped and from that branch, I fell. I could see the sky as I fell but before I crashed, I closed my eyes and blacked out.

When my eyes opened…The first thing I saw was Gaara's face.

"What happened?" I asked.

Gaara was holding me and we were back on the ground.

"You fell and I caught you."

He said this in such an emotionless tone but I became nervous and sat up at once, making him retreat.

"Thank you…"

He closed his eyes and stood up. He faced me, and those teal eyes made me feel so vulnerable, I almost didn't hear him when he said,

"Come on."

I begged to myself, hoping the Hachimata could not appear again. As Gaara went ahead in front of me, I held onto my pendant.

Once more, we camped out when the sun began to fall. It was dangerous at night, but we would continue as soon as the sun was up. While the sky bleed with warm colors, I was sitting next to Gaara on a branch. Gaara's back was leaning against the tree's trunk and with a knee brought up and an arm over it, I spoke to him.

"How long until we arrive?"

Without glancing up, he responded, "Three more hours of travelling."

I watched the sun sink in silence, hoping for a better future. A future without demons.

When we arrived in Suna, a messenger was there to tell me the Kazekage expected me. I looked towards Gaara as he began to walk off alone, into the night. I headed the opposite way, to meet his father. I arrived at the Kazekage's office and sat on my knees before him.

"You've returned earlier than expected."

"Yes, Lord."

"Good then. I need to ask a favor of you. As you already know, Gaara also harbors a demon. You are to watch him and report everything to me. He is a threat and as a ninja, it is your duty to place the lives of the citizen's before you own."

"…Yes, Lord."

"You first report is tomorrow. If Gaara does anything to harm anyone, you may use force if necessary."

"Of course, Lord."

"Off with you."

"Thank you Lord."

I exited and walked down the street below the stars. I felt as if I was a puppet. The Kazekage wanted to use me as a spy and the only thing I could say was 'Yes Lord.' I have absolutely no courage or honor. Can I betray Gaara to his father so easily? Why does his father refer to him in such a cold way? I knew I had to report tomorrow and so, I could not tell them of this. They'd be angry, right?

When I returned, Temari and Kankuro greeted me. I smiled but quickly retreated to my room. I laid on my bed and sighed. How could I betray Gaara? The memory of almost harming him drifted into my mind. I closed my eyes and held onto my arm. I let the fears I felt that night awaken again. I heard my door open and someone speak.

"Are you alright?"

I sat up and looked at Kankuro, standing in the doorway. I didn't know what to say but when he sat next to me, I knew he wouldn't leave without an answer.

"I'm afraid," I whispered, "I'm afraid of hurting him. I have no control over myself when it takes control."

No words from Kankuro could ease my fears. So, he just sat with me while my heart throbbed and my soul buckled under the stress. Kankuro left to bring me a glass of water. I stood and opened the door to the balcony, and in silence, climbed to the roof. Of course, Gaara was sitting as he always was. I approached him and stood, next to his side.

In a cold voice he asked, "What do you want?"

"I want to sit here and watch the night sky."

The stress on my feeble heart was lifting and I felt calmer, being here.


	10. Save me Pt2

Chapter 10:

"Save Me" Pt.2

A cold expression was thrown my way, "Why are you always near me?"

'_Yes, why do you enjoy his presence?'_

When I heard the Hachimata speak, I tensed and my blood boiled with hatred and rage.

'_Are you in love with this pathetic excuse for a boy?'_

Pain surged through my veins; that was a weak spot. I looked at Gaara but I didn't know what to say.

"I…feel calm around you," I whispered.

"That's pathetic. Why are you depending on others for your purpose?"

That stung, but he was right. I shouldn't have to depend on others; I was a demon, after all. How could I depend on others when everyone had the idea I was too strong? I shouldn't care what others said and so…

"Gaara, your father commanded me to tell him what you do from sun up to sun down."

Gaara turned towards me and stood up, he didn't have his gourd and so he stood up straight and he was a good 3 inches taller than I was. His eyes felt like an arrow as he stared me down. I had to admit I was a bit intimidated.

He growled, "You betrayed me?"

It was, as I had feared.

"No, I did not betray you," I stoically said.

"I will kill you."

My heart stopped. He was angry, but I never expected him to become **this** angry. I had no choice but to turn and run. I jumped off the roof and cushioned my fall by creating a pillow of chakra beneath my feet. I sped off towards the forest without looking back.

'_Isn't life wonderful?'_

My cheek was scratched by a tree but I couldn't stop, I had to block out what the Hachimata was telling me. I kept running frantically, I was afraid. I felt Gaara running after me and I tried to run as fast as I ever had before. No one was here to help me, or protect me; I was on my own. Temari and Kankuro were back at the house; the Kazekage couldn't care less.

I tripped over a branch and I fell on my face. I lifted myself with my arms and Gaara was staring down at me with his arms crossed and his gaze full of lust for blood. I saw he had not failed to bring his gourd, his tool for killing. I must have looked pitiful, on the ground, with blood running down my right cheek and fear in my eyes.

I stood frozen in my place. The cork in his gourd popped off and sand was leaking out, overflowing. My body shook with fear as the sand wrapped itself around me and lifted me from the ground. I couldn't move, I could hardly breathe. Gaara held up his hand…

"Wait! Gaara!" I shouted.

He looked at me, waiting for me to speak.

"I-I didn't mean to betray you. He's your father but…I don't understand the cold relationship between you two."

"Would you like me to inform you, you idiotic human?" Gaara had the coldest, most ruthless tone I've ever heard him speak in.

Maybe this was how he spoke to the people he's killed.

"My father…has tried to murder me several times ever since I was six."

I…never knew. I didn't know…I'm sorry Gaara.

"He won't stop until I'm dead. I was born to become a weapon. He implanted a demon into me when I was born and I killed the woman who gave birth to me. He spoiled me with what I thought was love but now he disregards me as his son. He says I'm too dangerous, I might destroy the village, so I will be murdered."

I'm so sorry. I never knew that. I never imagined that your relationship with him was so…full of hate. I would feel the same as you I guess.

But those words only stayed in my head. In reality, I couldn't speak.

"But then my uncle, he showed me what love was. I believed he was the only one, who cared about me, that is, until he tried to murder me. My father sent him and he agreed. Secretly, he's hated me for killing his sister, the woman who gave birth to me."

I could never have imagined any of this, to Gaara, I was another assassin sent by his father. Gaara closed his hand a hair's length and I felt the pain. I struggled to breathe and he closed his hand a little more.

The strain on my bones would soon snap them; my lungs could hardly receive the oxygen they needed. I was growing dizzy from lack of air but no death would be without…

_'Finally, you're dying. I've waited for this day, but who knew the boy you loved would be the one to end your life?'_

I let my head fall and I cried.

Gaara asked, "Why are you crying?"

"I never knew your past. I'm sorry I didn't comfort you. I lived in your village, I could have befriended you, you might have needed a friend but I hardly even knew of your existence. I would have never done anything for your father if I had known, but I was too ignorant. I'm sorry I didn't help you when you were in need."

"Why do you care so much? You've only met me."

I lifted my head and whispered, "Because…I've fallen in love with you."

Out of surprise, Gaara closed his hand, involuntarily.

I heard ear shattering snaps and my lungs gave way. The sand retreated and I fell to the floor. My body was bent at strange angles and my face faced Gaara, some of my hair covered my vision but I didn't have the strength to move it. I tasted blood in my mouth and felt it ooze out onto the floor. My vision was blurred but my hearing was working perfectly.

"Nozomi!" I heard Gaara call out.

I couldn't move, I couldn't speak. My body was broken and so was my mind. Gaara kneeled next to me but there was nothing he could do.

It was my fate…

This was a Demon's Fate…

To fall in unrequited love and be the evil a hero would vanquish.

Gaara couldn't save me, life couldn't save me, and even I couldn't save myself.

He didn't close his hand willingly but fate did.

Usually the Hachimata was always right but in the last sentence he said to me, he was wrong. I _still _love him.

I wonder what was going through his head at that point in time.

I guess I'll always wonder.


	11. Unforgiving

Chapter 11:

"Unforgiving"

I've never stopped crying since then.

I've never opened my heart since then.

After my consciousness gave way and when I though I was dead, I awoke. I found myself in a small home. The wooden floors creaked and the room was the color of a light shade of brown. I was perplexed, where was I? A boy around 22 years old came in. He had a blackish shade of gray for hair and his eyes were cold and dark. His hair was long and he wore it in a ponytail. I sat up and asked,

"Who are you?"

It wouldn't matter. He wouldn't tell me. But that was a long time ago. It's been a year since then but I could never forget Gaara. I wondered how he was but I never wanted to see him again, I had betrayed him and he almost killed me for it.

"Nozomi."

I turned around from the mountaintop where I was sitting at to face Itachi. He was the one who saved me and brought me to…wherever I was. I've never left the village's borders but I was always in hiding. Itachi has been training me and he's even cared for me. In a silent way. I was 14 when I was with Gaara and we both should be 15 now. I wonder if he's grown. I certainly have.

"Yes Itachi?"

"I have to go on a mission. You stay here and do not leave this village. Remember I can always find you."

I rolled my eyes, "I'm going to try anyway. Remember I told you a long time ago, I'm going to find Suna."

With that, he left. I had become friends with Itachi but he had something against me leaving. I stood up and brushed myself off. My appearance has also changed from back then. I had a shirt that fell off one shoulder and the sleeves went up to my elbow. It was long enough to go to mid-thigh but I had fishnets that went to my calves and a belt around my waist. This piece of cloth I wore was the same teal as Gaara's eyes. I also had on black sandals while my belt was black. Every time I look in the mirror, I saw my sister. My hair was as long as hers was and it was black and in layers. My bangs almost covered my eyes though.

I went down to the village and bought a map. I asked directions to Suna and an elderly lady was happy to give them to me.

'_Itachi will only find us.'_

I chuckled, "Then we'll just make sure he doesn't."

I bought provisions and took a bag from Itachi's home. Then I set out on my journey. According to the map, Suna was a week away.

"A week for normal humans," I grinned.

In two days, I was halfway there. As I slept, I felt a presence that alerted me. I awoke at once and looked around, there was no one but when I listened, there were 3 ninjas trying to ambush me. I stood up and faced them,

"Come out, cowards."

A man over a foot taller than me and his two accomplices stepped out into the moonlight. They all had short brown hair, their headbands told me they were from Suna.

"Hand over everything you have little girl," The leader warned.

I took a step closer to them, "I'm sorry but I'm going to have to kill you."

Without a second's hesitation, I grew my nails to become as sharp as knives and slit all their throats. I took hold of my possessions and left before their blood could attract any unwanted visitors. That night, I dreamed of Gaara.

In the next two days, I made it to Suna. I saw the gates but of course I had to sneak in. I saw a caravan entering and attached myself under, hiding the sense of my chakra. I had kept my Suna headband and I had it on now, around my neck. I walked around the streets, remembering all the experiences I had here. I walked around the whole city and even went to my old home. Now another family occupied it but it felt refreshing looking at it again. I bought myself lunch and I lost track of time, soon enough, the sun was setting.

Now it was when I made my way towards Gaara's home. What should I say? Should I run up and embrace everyone? It's been so long; maybe they won't recognize me or believe that I'm Nozomi. Maybe I should take up an alias before they dismiss me completely. I knocked on their door and a smile almost formed on my face when Kankuro answered the door. He looked so different. He only had a black shirt and black pants on but his face was still tattooed although since he did not have his whole outfit on, I could see his hair.

"What do you want?" He asked.

I stood up straight, "My name is…Ri..kutsu and I'm here to see Gaara."

Kankuro looked at me strangely but answered, "He's at the office right now."

I thanked him and I even smiled and said, "Goodbye, it was nice to see you again."

I ran towards the Kazekage's office but hesitated to enter the building. What if he was seeing his father? It wouldn't matter; I would deal with the punishment later. I would finally see Gaara again and apologize. This was the moment I had been waiting for. I walked up to the secretary and asked, "Is Gaara here?"

She nodded and pointed towards the door. I held my breath before I turned the knob. My heart was pounding in my chest but I opened the door. Gaara was at the Kazekage's desk, signing something. He was wearing a white and blue robe, which was strange for him.

He looked up and I froze before those teal eyes.

"What have you come to tell me?"

Tears almost formed in my eyes, I could never have imagined him this way. He was only 15 but he had grown so much. He seemed so mature and even his face had changed.

"Are you going to answer me?" He asked, impatiently.

But this wasn't the Gaara I knew; this was Gaara, the Kazekage.

"You-you've become Kazekage?"

He gave me a strange and harsh glare, "Who are you?"

I smiled weakly, "I thought you would remember me."

Now Gaara was alarmed. He stood up and walked over to me. He had grown much taller, as well.

"Tell me now. Who are you or I will be forced to place you in jail."

He doesn't remember at all. I always pictured this meeting to be happy, I thought he would recognize me…

"Gaara, you know how much ruckus I create when I'm in jail. I hate that place. It's me, Nozomi."

He glanced at my headband but his expression hadn't changed when I told him my name.

"You have a headband of Suna but who are you? I do not know a Nozomi."

My heart almost stopped. How could he not remember me? I had lived with him; I had been with him for months! Maybe he didn't hear me correctly…

"I'm Nozomi. Remember? Gaara? I'm…I lived with you."

"I do not know a Nozomi, I will have to ask you to leave."

I stared at him, and I couldn't stop the tears from flowing down my face. I turned and ran. Temari and Kankuro had to recognize me. I ran back towards their house and knocked. Kankuro opened again and I asked him,

"You remember me right? Nozomi? Remember?"

"Rikutsu? What are you talking about?"

I was becoming hysterical, "You remember me! I know you do!! Temari! Temari! Kankuro is playing a mean trick!"

I was broken. I was crying and I ran into the house, and headed to my room. I opened it and it was empty. There wasn't a single trace of my existence.

Temari and Kankuro ran in after me, shouting, "Get out of my house! Who are you?!"

Later, I was taken to jail.

Now I lie in here, crying. How can they not remember me? I've lived everyday waiting to see them again.

'_You should have stayed with Itachi.'_

"Shut up! I do not want to hear any more of you!"

I transformed, my teeth grew and so did my nails. I created a barrier around my hand and hit the wall with my fist opened. The wall collapsed and I ran away from that miserable place. I hadn't run far when I came upon Gaara. He didn't even have his gourd with him but he lifted the sand from the ground and captured me.

I couldn't move and I kept on crying. I looked him, deep in the eyes and found no mercy, no recognition, no Gaara.

"You're a threat to this village. I'll have to kill you if you don't stop."

I remembered that from sometime long ago but why couldn't he recognize me? Why?

"I love you Gaara! Don't you remember? You almost killed me a year ago?!"

But his eyes weren't showing any mercy and….he closed his hand…

I gasped as I awoke. I was sweating and panting, tears were still streaming down my cheeks. I was in Itachi's home in my bed. He was sitting next to me and I growled at him,

"You! You traitor! You hypnotized me and made me experience that…"

I couldn't even finish my sentence; my whole body was shaking from fear. Itachi must have sensed me leaving the village. I turned to him but he grabbed my arm and squeezed the life out of it. I cried out in pain but Itachi only whispered,

"**Never leave me again."**


	12. Determination

Okay well...I tried to make this chapter formatted just like a book but once I upload it onto fanfic, it turns to this. But I tried. Anyway, I'm sorry for the late update but I've been lazy.

Disclaimer: Naruto-not mine. Nozomi and story-mine.

WARNING: Spoilers for Naruto 2! (after the time skip)

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Chapter 12:

"Determination"

I stared into his eyes, begging, pleading for him to allow me to see him again. How could Itachi possibly believe I could leave Gaara? How could I simply forget everything Gaara's done for me? I refuse to leave him, he might be suffering, or hurt and I have to see him again. Even though a year has passed, I still remember him so clearly. The way we parted...was no where near I would have liked to leave it. It was a miscommunication, and he'll forgive me, I know he will.

Itachi stared into my eyes and breathed on me, "What if he doesn't? What if he still loathes you? What will you do then? You heart would shatter and you'll have nothing to live for then."

"He'll forgive me. I know he will. Even if he doesn't, I'll devote the rest of my life to him in order to lessen the burden on myself," I smiled.

Itachi hesitated, "You've changed. You were never like this. You were more…calm."

"You've made me realize how much I really care for him. You were the reason for this Itachi, and I thank you."

I took my hand away from his and rubbed it, he could have broken my wrist, the way he was handling it. I stood up and left him. I opened a cabinet and took out my most prized possession, the pendant that Gaara gave to me. I placed it around my neck and faced Itachi.

I whispered, "You see this? This is my life, Gaara gave this to me and as long as I have this, I know he does not loathe me."

Itachi angrily stood and walked out of my room, slamming the door shut. I smiled because I knew how selfish Itachi was but he could never stop what I felt; he could never control the thoughts in my mind. He could only torture or inflict pain. I was going to leave this place; I had to find a way to escape Itachi.

The next morning was as if I had never escaped, Itachi was acting normal and I did not mention Gaara to him. He even continued with my training outside, out of sight from the villagers that were visible over the cliff. Part of my training was endurance and my tests were to see how long I could run with Itachi at my heels. At first, I had to embarrassingly admit that my best time was five minutes. But now, I had built up my strength enormously. My best time was forty-five minutes. Today, I was going to push myself farther than I ever had, this was to prove my determination to Gaara, to Itachi and to myself. I was confident and as soon as Itachi motioned for me to begin, I raced off.

The trees were simple to avoid. I passed the branches and rocks and leaves with a whizzing noise left by the wind around me. I paced myself, careful not to exhaust my stamina all at once. Itachi was pacing himself as well, he wasn't even in eyesight of me but he knew where I was going, it was obvious, my trail was very clear. This is where I placed my plan into effect. I made clones of myself, only, my clones where made of fire. Then the three of us split up, spreading fire. That should rid me of my trail. I suppressed a grin when I felt Itachi pause, uncertain where to go from there.

"I won't lose your trail, you are still so obvious," Itachi teased from about 20 yards away. Since I had learned to control the dragon inside of me, my senses had bumped up a level. My eyesight could spot a squirrel's nest 30 yards away; my sense of hearing could hear Itachi's voice up to 50 yards, if I was concentrating enough. My taste, I could tell you the percentage of alcohol in a substance and even what type of alcohal it was. My feet could sense the movement of someone else's feet on the ground and my nose could smell as well as any trained animal.

Half an hour passed and I still had about three fourths of my energy. Itachi was still on my trail but he had lost some ground. I had stopped burning the forest as soon as I realized that wouldn't distract Itachi. Another half-hour later, I was still running but Itachi was catching up now. He was about 20 yards away, enough to see me. Now was when I should push myself. I started picking up my pace so quickly, Itachi was falling behind. I began jumping from branch to branch as fast as my legs could take me. I even burned the branches behind me to slow Itachi down. As I thought, it did.

It's been an hour and a half since I started my training. I beat my best time but my energy was running low. The muscles in my legs started to protest against my will. They ached a little but I could keep going, I could keep going for Gaara. Itachi wasn't slowing down, he started to catch up. He was within 20 yards again and I ran faster, I was almost at my limit but I could push myself a little more. He didn't slow and I sprinted. After ten minutes, my muscles were screaming out with pain but I had to ignore them. This was to prove myself and I wasn't going to back down soon.

Soon, I heard a voice.

"Nozomi, you will injure yourself if you keep going."

I tried to run faster. I couldn't remember how long it's been, I forgot some time ago. But I wouldn't lose, not now. My clumsiness betrayed me, as I stepped onto a weak branch, it snapped in half and I fell. I softened my fall by placing a layer of chakra between the ground and my feet. As I lifted myself to keep on going, I felt a kunai at my neck.

"You've improved. Two hours and ten minutes," Itachi stated.

It was over and I collapsed.

When I awoke, my body ached and I couldn't even lift my head. As my eyes focused, I remembered what had happened and I felt a sting at my confidence. Maybe I wasn't strong enough to leave and see Gaara. I knew I had to prove myself against Itachi but he was so…strong. His strength was on another plane than mine. I could only dream of his true power. How could I compete against that?

I heard footsteps walk up the stairs and into my room. Itachi sat on the edge of my bed and I looked away, ashamed.

He tried to council me, "You don't have to be ashamed. You did well. Not many could outrun me for two hours."

"But it's not good enough. I have to prove myself against you so I could go to see Gaara."

"Are you that simple-minded? I am trying to save you from what will happen. Do you not see that?" His voice came out in an angry, hushed tone.

"All I want," I sighed, "is to see him again. You are my enemy because you are preventing my one goal."

"Do enemies teach you to control a monster inside of you? If it weren't for me, The Hachimata would have killed you a long time ago. Do enemies train you to become stronger?"

I knew he was right. I was grateful to him for everything he's done for me but I-I only really wanted to see Gaara. I've spent too long here, with Itachi.

I was defeated, "I am grateful for all you've done. But I only want to see Gaara."

Irritated, Itachi stood and began to walk around the room. He turned to me and eyed me until he said, "Do you know why I am protecting you from him?"

I listened.

"Akatsuki. The organization that I am in," He turned away from me, "wants the Shukaku. They and I, want to take the demon from Gaara."

"I don't see how that is so-"

"If the Shukaku is extracted from its host, the host will die."

I hated him. He betrayed me.

The tears began to fall and my voice cracked, "H-how could you do this? To me? You know…how much I care for him," I looked at the ground, hurt, "I thought you were a friend to me. I thought you just wanted to help me but you betrayed me!"

I saw the regret on Itachi's face but it couldn't compare to my regret. I had to abandon the person who saved me from death, the person who became my friend over this year. I had to bury the guilt I would feel. I stood and tried to walk past Itachi to gather my things- despite my weak body. I had to leave. There was no possible reason to stay here anymore. I couldn't stand to see the face of someone who would kill the person I cared for the most.

"Nozomi, I thought maybe you could get over him. I wanted the pain to be as minimal as possible for you-"

I interrupted and stated my departure in the coldest tone possible, "I'm leaving. Do not come after me. I never want to see you again."

And I left.

I loaded my things in a single bag and I walked out into the rainy twilight. I brought a map that I had bought a while ago. I was heading for Suna, no matter what came my way. I knew Itachi had given up on me, he wouldn't bother me anymore. But now I had another burden on my shoulders -I had to save Gaara from Itachi. I headed for the nearest village I could find by night down, I wasn't a fool. I paid for a hotel night and once I sat on my bed, I felt the loneliest I've felt since the last time I saw Gaara. I held my pendant and whispered to myself that he would by glad to see me, he surely wouldn't hold a grudge for a year, right?


	13. Reality

Sorry for the late update, but I've made it up with a HUGE chapter. Just keep this in mind, Gaara is totally diffrent in Naruto II. Maybe not this diffrent, but he's changed. And if you don't like change, don't read it.

Disclaimer: Naruto not mine. Story & Nozomi mine.

Chapter 13

"Reality"

To be truthful, I didn't want to face him. I didn't want to take the chance. What if he was dead? Or if he never forgave me?

How would I live?

But I longed to hear his voice, to see his face. I've waited a year and I can't wait any longer. My body is trembling, from what, beats me. The walls surrounding Suna are large, larger than what I remember. And it's hotter, I'm almost sweating already. The sand around me felt as if it was itching to swallow me whole. I'm afraid and so I run towards the gates. I see a guard on his post twenty feet ahead, I run towards him. He turns and I see he's young. Though not as young as Gaara. His eyes are blue, what a pretty color. From his expression, I could see he was a nice guy. His face is expressionless but contempt. When I stop in front of him, he eyes the Suna headband on my neck and asks me,

"Who are you?"

I hesitate. Should I reveal my name? If Gaara still loathes me, would my name be on the wanted list?

_'He tried to kill you.'_

I felt a sting in my chest when the Hachimata reminded me of that. It still pained me, even though the physical wounds have healed long ago. They must all think I'm dead, I don't see the danger of revealing my name, unless everyone made a big deal about Gaara killing me. I answered this guard with the calmest expression I could muster.

"My name is Nozomi."

The guard stood silently; contemplating but eventually he gave way and opened the gates for me. The gates were majestic and prodigious. I lifted my head towards the sky to see them end. They almost touched the sky from where I was standing. As the gates revealed the city I had left a year ago, the sting in my chest deepened. I trudged along slowly, breathing in all the scents and memorizing all the sights. It was the same, but so very different. The people have changed and I was more aware of the world around me from combining my senses with the Hachimata's. But the city still stood and the people acted the same. It was around two in the afternoon and everyone was completing their Sunday shopping.

My stomach growled from hunger and I turned into a shop. I bought myself a simple sandwich and I sat on the sidewalk filling my stomach. When my physical needs were satisfied, I walked along the route towards Gaara's home, taking the long way. No one seemed to recognize me, which was extraordinarily good. Seeing a supposedly dead body walking along the streets would cause panic. That was the least I wanted to do.

I walked up to Gaara's home, feeling the pounding of my chest. The sting wasn't there anymore. I brought my hand up to the door, pausing with nervousness.

_'If you wait this long, he might die.'_

My demon has a wonderful sense of humor.

I knocked on the door softly at first, then harder. No one was answering. Maybe they were on a mission. In that case, I would come back later or tomorrow. I turned back and headed along the streets, I wasn't depressed about their absence. It gave me more time to reminisce. I passed by all the familiarity that I thought I'd forgotten. I kept my ears open for the whispers of the citizens about Gaara.

Strangely enough, no one spoke of him.

Twilight came and the sting awoke. I gripped my chest in an effort to calm the pain. It didn't help much though. I was going to try again. I walked back to their home and they weren't there again. The only person who would know of their location would be the Kazekage but that would be reckless. Would the Kazekage consider me a traitor for not staying in the village? It wasn't my fault anyway. I debated with myself while sitting on their porch. The few bystanders looked at me in a confused way. Was it strange to sit and think on a porch?

I decided that the Kazekage wouldn't be too upset. At least not enough to have me executed. I walked to his office and came upon the secretary, sitting at her desk. She was the same woman that had been here, sitting, a year ago. She smiled at me, not recognizing my face. Have I changed as well?

But in my subconsiousness, I was afraid of what I would find beyond that door. The dream that Itachi had given me left me with a scar. A scar of fear.

"Have you come here in search of the Kazekage?"

No, I came here to see Gaara. I couldn't care less about the Kazekage. A hidden anger had been released when that woman had spoken about the Kazekage. He was filthy, treating his own son that way.

I forced a smile on my face and replied, "Yes, I have."

She smiled back and I felt an urge to slit her neck. I calmed myself, breathing deeply. Ever since I had merged myself with the Hachimata, I had developed a split personality. There was me, and then there was a vengeful, violent me.

"Well I'm very sorry but the Kazekage is on a diplomatic trip right now."

I sighed, "When will he be back?"

The woman rummaged through her papers and diverted her attention back to me. "Tomorrow."

I smiled and left. It was likely that the Kazekage had taken his children along with him. I walked to a hotel with the sting more painful than ever.

Tomorrow, I told myself. Tomorrow I'll know where Gaara is. I could wait one more day, right?

I slept restlessly, what a surprise.

Morning came slowly but at least it came. I slept around 2 hours, but that was more than enough for me. I would live. I walked out of the hotel and passed the gates on the way to the Kazekage's office. The guards were nervous, they wanted to make the greatest impression on the Kazekage. I scoffed and walked on. I could see the anxiousness in the city. From the whispers of the citizens, I knew they wanted to know whether the negotiation went well.

Everyone's afraid of war.

The people were walking in the opposite direction than me. They were headed towards the gates. I gave up and decided to follow them. What would I do waiting for the Kazekage anyway? I stepped into line as everyone waited on the sidewalks for the arrival of the most important person in the city. Finally, the gates were slowly opening and I saw him, a figure in white robes. He seemed…strangely shorter than what I remembered. Maybe he was shriveling into an old man. Whatever comes up must come down.

He smelled strange also. Not of decaying skin cells but a completely different scent altogether. I peered at him in curiosity. I could see his face, even though he was a good forty feet away. What I saw, made my heart stop. I trembled, unable to comprehend that the dream Itachi gave me came true.

I didn't see Gaara's father in the white robes. I saw two maelstrom eyes of teal.

Faced with the sudden reality, I fled. How did Itachi know Gaara was the Kazekage? When did Gaara become the Kazekage? Had he changed so drastically? Was he no longer the Gaara I knew? Would he have forgotten me? I sat in an alley with my face dug into my arms and knees. I was a coward.

_'How long are you going to sit there afraid? You have to face him. Don't embarrass me.'_

I knew he spoke the truth. I would have to face him sometime, if I ever was going to tell him about Itachi. I breathed slowly, gathering my courage. Would he be in his…office? Or his home? I stood on my feet and walked to the office, more afraid than I had ever been. The dream kept replaying in my mind. The sting grew more painful. I had relieve myself of this burden quickly, the pain was taking its toll. It was harder to breathe, harder to walk on.

I came upon the secretary walking away from the office. This was the first time I've seen her in public. She was clearly happy to have been relieved of her duties. Her long blonde hair flowed behind her as she walked home. I stopped her and asked about the Kazekage.

"Oh, he's home by now."

I thanked her and walked impatiently to his home. I came upon the door again, seeing the light through the windows. I was certain there was somebody here now. It felt as if I was standing there for an eternity. I was nervous and scared. But, with a trembling fist, I knocked softly.

"I'll get it!" I heard through the door.

I stood rigid as a girl around my age opened the door. She smiled, waiting for me to speak. My throat was tangled as I saw her long black hair reached to her mid-back. Her hair parted at an angle and she was tall than me but a good 3 inches…

"Excuse me, do you need anything?"

I snapped back from my alternate universe. I eyed her and she looked the slightest bit impatient. I better make this quick.

"I'm here to s-see…uh…see…"

She looked at me with clear disdain and muttered, "If you're here to see Kankuro, he has a _girlfriend_. Me."

The fear and anxiety melted away. I felt as if the last year didn't happen and I was back…home. My eyes lit up with familiarity and a happiness I hadn't felt in more than a year. I laughed. I was laughing and almost giggling as I thought of Kankuro with a girlfriend. The thought buzzed around my head in a quirky frenzy. I must have looked mentally unstable.

"What are you laughing at?!"

I made her angry. Controlling myself instantly, I apologized.

"I'm sorry. I'm not looking for Kankuro."

My eyes then diverted to another person who walked next to this girl and placed an arm around her, "What do you want?"

The girl answered him, not even bothering with me, "She says she's not here to see you but I'm suspicious."

Kankuro turned to me and eyed me strangely. As if he was remembering but denying it. I smiled genuinely and repeated the sentence from my dream.

"It's nice to see you again."

"What did you say your name was again?"

He seemed to recognize me.

"I'm…Nozomi."

Kankuro's face froze with surprise. He was debating this to be reality or fiction. I could sense that. His arm dropped from the girl's shoulders and he stepped closer to stare at my face. I stared at him back, into his eyes and I smiled. After I smiled, his barriers fell.

"Nozomi!" He cried out as he embraced me tightly.

I laughed again. He had changed. His face was sharper; he was taller and stronger. But he was still the Kankuro I remembered and he still remembered me. I was so relieved that his memories were intact, I couldn't help but lower my barriers as well. I embraced him back.

"Who is this Kankuro?"

The girl had an edge of jealousy in her voice but then Kankuro released be and turned to her, "She's an old friend."

The girl seemed relieved at this and smiled at me. I felt at home again. Kankuro dragged me by the hand inside. I sucked in the sights of familiarity all around me, nothing had changed. Kankuro ran to the kitchen, hiding me behind him.

Temari had changed a bit too. She was the same height but her face had matured. She seemed to grow into a motherly figure. She turned to her brother in a scowling face, maybe she hadn't changed so much.

"Guess who came back?"

I stepped from behind Kankuro and Temari eyed me, thinking.

Then she asked, "…No…zomi?"

I smiled and she dropped the food she was cooking. Her arms swept around me just as Kankuro's had. I was so happy to see them both. This was nothing like my dream. We pulled away and she held her hand to her mouth.

"I thought…We thought. Gaara had told us…oh Nozomi! You can't imagine what's happened! Gaara…he went back to how he was before. He was so angry."

My expression fell to a sad smile, "How is he?"

She smiled, "Why don't you go and see?"

"I-I'm afraid. Is he still angry at me?"

Temari gazed at me in understanding and she pushed me up the stairs. When I turned to plead with her, she smiled. Defeated, I turned back and walked up the stairs. This was it; I had to face my fear now. It was okay if he was angry, as long as he remembered me. I trudged up the steps, one by one. The floors creaked as I walked to the room where Gaara was. I had waited so long for this, I hope it doesn't go up in flames.

I held my hand on the doorknob and turned it slowly. I pushed the door noiselessly and slowly. What I saw through the open door wasn't familiar. This room had changed. There was a bed in the far corner, and stacks of papers around and filing cabinets. Then there was a desk with a figure in a plain black shirt and black pants sitting with his back facing me. There was the Kazekage's robe thrown on the bed. A symbol of power, of maturity, of change.

He had changed.

Gaara was doing paperwork, I could hear the pen scratching against paper.

My heart stopped beating when his voice entered my ears.

"I'm not hungry Temari. I have to finish this."

His tone had changed. It was softer, gentler. It was deeper too, had he changed this much without me there to witness it? What should I say? Clearly he hadn't heard the others downstairs, he would know I was here. My heart was flying with joy, the sting left all together. I had waited so long to hear his voice, to speak with him, to see him.

Despite my efforts to stay calm, my voice cracked, "Gaara?"

The scratching from the pen stopped abruptly. He turned to face me. His teal eyes bore into mine, his expression, surprise. He wasn't angry; he wasn't sad or upset. Even the crease in his forehead was gone.

Even I couldn't control myself. The tears began to pour down my face as I saw him. The memories of telling him how I felt about him filled me. They were true, I loved him. How could I have not come sooner? I had missed him.

His face was blank and we stood silently. I was letting the tears run down and he stood. He walked over to me slowly and asked, "Nozomi?"

I faced the floor, the tears blurring my vision. I wanted to control myself, I knew I shouldn't be pathetic or weak but I embraced him, crying. Just like the last time, he inhaled sharply.

I stood trembling, allowing myself to feel weak and vulnerable. Quickly, I released him and wiped my face clear, I didn't want him to see me this way. I looked up to him and saw his new face. Just as Kankuro, his face had sharpened but his eyes had softened.

Surprise overcame his face as he spoke, "I thought I…How? Where have you been?"

I smiled, I could leave Itachi's plan out till later.

"You almost…killed me. But this person saved me and they nursed me back to health. I would have come sooner but I…couldn't."

He face withdrew from all expression, "I'm glad."

Again, I couldn't stop myself from crying. He placed a hand on my shoulder and reassured me, "Don't cry."

I turned away from Gaara and I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. Then Kankuro came bursting in, "Let's celebrate!"

I laughed and then Kankuro's girlfriend and Temari came in. There were arguing about what to do tonight. This night, was surely one to celebrate. Kankuro decided we should go and buy alcohol but of course, Temari completely denied his suggestion. After a couple of arguments, Kankuro agreed to only go and buy some party food excluding his favorite brand of sake.

Once Kankuro left, Gaara turned to me and commented, "You've changed."

I smiled and shook my head, "No, _you've_ changed."

Temari and Kankuro's girlfriend left Gaara and I alone. An awkward silence drifted between us. Gaara was the one who started the conversation.

"You don't have to stand."

He motioned towards his perfectly made bed and I sat on it while he sat on his chair.

"I regret what I did," he started.

I interrupted him before he began a morbid conversation, "It's okay. I'm fine."

I looked at him, in a happier expression and asked him, "Gaara…how did you become Kazekage?"

And he told me his tale. His father is dead. He was found dead in his office one early morning. The city was in chaos. A new leader had to be chosen. The city debated whether to choose the Kazekage's son who was deemed a monster or a weaker leader? The city, in the end, chose Gaara. My Gaara. They trusted him enough to choose him. I watched him as he spoke and I couldn't help but smile. He's matured and grown without me. He even leads a better life now, he did this all without my help. In a year, he's accomplished more than a whole city does in five years and what have I done? I moped everyday but I also trained. I became stronger, so I could defend Gaara. And now I could truly take that to heart. He was the Kazekage now and he needed protection. Instinctively, while he spoke, I reached around my neck and I held the pendant he gave to me.

Gaara paused and looked at my hand.

"You still have it?" He asked.

I looked at my hand, holding the beautiful piece of jewelry. I lifted my face towards his, "Of course."

He then pulled the other half of the gift he'd given me, the key that matched the keyhole in my heart pendant. My heart almost burst with joy, he was wearing it.

"Y-you're wearing it?!" said a little louder than I meant to.

"You don't want me to?" He asked, innocently.

"No, no. I meant to give it to you long ago. I just never…" I looked away, "had the courage."

Before he could comment on that, I added, "You really have changed. You're a completely different person."

"I've been through life changing events."

I didn't have any say in the blood rushing to my cheeks as he gazed at me.

"I'm really glad you're back," He whispered.

"So am I."

"I'm baaack!" Kankuro bellowed from downstairs. Quickly, Gaara and I ran downstairs. Kankuro and his unnamed girlfriend were lagging bags and bags of who-knows-what. Temari organized everything and placed all the food on the table for us to eat. I sat on one of the couches next to Gaara and Kankuro sat on the other in between of his girlfriend and Temari.

Feeling confident, I asked, "Excuse me but I never got your name…"

The girl smiled and replied, "My name is Ryo."

I had more fun than I'd ever have before. Everyone was eating and laughing and talking, admiring my presence. But in a little corner of my mind, I was afraid that I'd wake up. I was afraid that Itachi was watching me sleep and laughing at my pathetic desires. I didn't want this to end. There was never any way to prove whether this was reality or Itachi was messing with my mind. I prayed, I begged that this was real. If this was just another dream, I don't think I'd have the heart to ever walk out into the sunlight again.

"What's wrong Nozomi?" Gaara asked.

He was so different. Was he really there? Was this really him? I must have had a sad expression because the rest turn towards me as well, worry plastered on their faces.

"Nothing's wrong! Really, I'm really glad to see you all again," I plastered a big fake smile on, "I'm just really surprised. I'm not used to all this commotion."

The others accepted my excuse and continued on.

After a few hours, Temari took me up to my room and I contained my surprise that they had left my room exactly as it was. Nothing had changed, they had taken care of all my possessions.

I turned to Temari, "Thank you so much. This was really too much. How did you know I was going to come back?"

She frowned, "We didn't."

I turned my back towards her and opened my drawers, they contained that dress I wore for my birthday long ago. Temari left me to shower and change into fresh clothes that she lent me. After I changed, I bent down and rummaged through the pockets of my dirty clothes. I pulled out all the kunai and shuriken I had on me all day. I always had them handy but I didn't feel the need for them any longer. I placed them in a drawer and closed it.

I looked out the window and wondered if Gaara still didn't sleep. He couldn't have changed that much. I decided to figure out for myself and I climbed up to the roof effortlessly. The blowing wind felt good on my face and I walked towards the long figure, surprisingly Gaara didn't have his gourd the whole time I've seen him today. I walked along and sat next to him. His interest captured by the moon, his gaze, he looked as if he hadn't changed at all.

"Nozomi, where were you?" He asked, emotionless.

I stared at him, he didn't even look at me.

"I was with…someone named Itachi. He took very good care of me. I owe him so much. He also trained me, so that I could become strong, his strength…was extraordinary."

"I've been thinking a lot about the last thing you said to me, a year ago."

I looked away, towards the ground below.

He continued, "And I decided, that I would never let anything horrible happen to you again. My father, before he died, told me what he had said to you."

I felt relieved, I wasn't ready to be heartbroken again so quickly.

He turned to me and I faced him, his cold eyes had en edge of warmth, of feeling. I felt exposed when he stared at me, that much hadn't changed.

"Where would you like to go tomorrow?"

The beating of my heart drowned out my thinking this had to be a dream.

"I-I don't know. Anywhere is fine." I answered nervously.

He seemed contempt with my answer but started a different subject, "Have you been out of control lately?"

I knew exactly what he meant. Of course, he was the Kazekage. He couldn't have a monster walking around the streets murdering others.

"Itachi, he taught me to control the demon. You could say we even get along. I've never had an outburst that wasn't under my control since I left Suna."

"Under your control?" He asked.

"I can allow some of the Hachimata's chakra blend with mine, for fighting."

I allowed my eyes to divert their attention to the chain around his neck. I wonder how long he's been wearing it? Deep in my heart, I wondered how he felt about me. I couldn't get my hopes up, but what damage could a little wishful thinking cause?

"So what was thins Itachi like?" He asked.

"He was kind but strict and he didn't…approve of my arrival here. He tried to stop me but I ran away."

"Will he come for you?"

"No, I hope not. I told him that I cared for you…too deeply to stay away. I had to know how you were doing even if you still hated me."

"I'm not angry anymore. I understand now. I missed you Nozomi."

I missed you too. I missed you so much. I couldn't stop my tears for weeks, I couldn't smile anymore. I want to tell you those words that I had the courage for a year back but I can't now. I couldn't possibly except you to harbor the same feelings for me. You have more responsibilities, I can't drag you down.

"I-I missed you too." I coughed out, holding back my pathetic tears.

He then turned to me, seriously, "Don't take me for a fool. I know what you're thinking."

I tried too hard, a tear rolled down my cheek and I quickly brushed it away.

"I care for you too."

I bit my tongue so hard, I bled. I felt the pain, the taste of the salty, metallic, crimson liquid. This was reality.


	14. Courage

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto but I own this story.

**Author's Note:** Sorry I haven't updated in a while. Anyway, something has come up. Someone PMed me to let me know that my other Gaara story, "The Soul That Found It's Missing Piece," was being posted on without my knowing or any credit. If you want to join me in sending hate mail this is the perpetrator's user name, sweetdreams91.

Chapter 14

"Courage"

I really shouldn't expect so much from life. I'd be hurt from the disappointment. But it made me happy, to hope. I could lift my head and face another day, with hope. But hope was the thing that would shatter my universe and destroy me. Of course I couldn't have complete and perfect happiness. This wasn't a dream, after all. This was reality and in reality, nothing was ever happily ever after. I shouldn't expect this to be any different.

I woke up with fear again. I was afraid Itachi would come and kill Gaara. I've already warned Itachi that I would despise him if he did but when did Itachi listen to me? When did he ever consider my opinions? Never. I awoke with sweat, it was cold on my skin. I think I was screaming because my throat hurt and I heard footsteps in the hallway. My door opens while I'm breathing heavily, catching my breath. Gaara rushes over to me, "Are you alright?"

I nod my head and hold my throat. I must have been screaming.

Other than that, the morning was as cheerful as could be. The day was gorgeous, it was windy and sunny. But nonetheless, I wasn't happy. Itachi's face always haunted me whenever I closed my eyes. It was disturbing. "What's the matter?" They all asked. But I shook them off and reassured them that I was fine. I think I'm getting better at this lying thing.

I slowly ate the breakfast that Temari had joyously prepared for me when Gaara walks down the stairs. Instinctively, my eyes dart towards him and I stop eating. He is wearing his Kazekage robes, and he looks like a leader. He seemed so different, I almost can't accept him. But I do, because I love him. Still, he stuns me with his appearance. Gaara walked up to me and tells me that he needs to go to the office but when he returns, he'll take me around the city. I smile, on cue but he sees through it. I almost snap in half of sadness when Gaara returns to the sad gaze that he wore a year ago. I couldn't bring myself to say anything much less comfort him. So, he leaves and I stare after him.

Kankuro and his girlfriend are off somewhere and Temari insists that I accompany her to buy the groceries. I thank her but I suggest that I've wanted to look around. I hadn't been here for awhile. She looks at me in a concerned glare but eventually gives up. I'm glad she did. I can't shrug off the fear, the regret, the remorse. I have to tell him. I won't be able to live with myself if I don't warn him. But I didn't want Gaara to be taken away from me again. I was afraid that once I tell him, he'd go away. And I dreaded that possibility.

Eventually, I showered and changed. The walls were familiar, in a painful way. I thought about what Gaara told me yesterday. _"I care for you too."_ His sweet caring voice echoed in my mind and I already longed for him. I convinced myself that for his arrival, I should at least greet him with a sincere smile. I had a lot of things to be gleeful about. I had returned home with the family I knew and here I was, depressed. No, I wanted to smile for Gaara. So I spent the rest of the afternoon rearranging my room.

It's about two in the afternoon and I hear the door open. I race down the stairs and Gaara walks in. I smile for him, as I promised myself, and this time it was sincere. He smiles back at me, his face almost alien and unfamiliar. I walk up to him and embrace him. He doesn't gasp like before but he stands still for a moment and lightly embraces me back. Of course, my heart is thumping with worry and happiness at the same time, it's quite confusing. I smell the scent of his skin. A sweet, tangent scent. I release him and he stares back at me.

"I promised you that I would take you around today. Where would you like to go?" He asks.

Of course, I haven't the slightest clue what to say. So I grin nervously, "Truthfully, I don't know."

His eyes glint and I'm nervous. Back then, I was always nervous around him. That was his ability, he had this sense of control over me. My heart was thumping happily and I was going to turn when he grabbed my wrist. I lifted my head to face him. His expression was one that he'd never worn before. I couldn't pinpoint it since it looked so strange.

This was Gaara now. The side of his mouth curved upwards and he closed the door. That was when I noticed, there were people staring at me from the street. They looked surprised. Then I swelled with pride. That's right, Gaara cared for me. The grip on my wrist was warm and gentle. Then he dragged up upstairs.

"G-gaara! Where are you taking me?" I laughed.

He headed towards his room and he closed the door behind me. He dug into his closet like a child searching for Christmas present. I could only stand and smile. Then he fond a small box and he handed it to me.

"What is this?" I asked.

He still had his crooked smile on when he said, "It's for you. Open it."

I couldn't stop the heat rise in my ears and cheeks when I blurted out, "Alright."

I walked over to his bed and sat down with the gift on my lap. I glanced at him and he was waiting patiently. I lifted the white lid and inhaled a breath that sounded like a squeak. I lifted the teal dress that was in the box…the same strapless, gorgeous dress that I had worn on my birthday that I had celebrated with Gaara, Temari and Kankuro. Tears pooled around the edges of my eyes and I placed the box and dress on Gaara's bed. Then I jumped up and threw myself into Gaara.

He had kept it, he had kept a memory of my in his room. I felt him stagger back as I wrapped my arms around his neck. Slowly, he wrapped his arms around my back.

I could barely cry out, "Thank you. Thank you so much! I can't believe you kept it! I…"

Should I say it? I bit my lip and stopped blabbing. I released him but I still had my arms around his neck.

"Thank you so much," and I kissed him on the cheek. If you could that a kiss anyway. I only softly brushed my lips against his cheek, giving him the lightest kiss imaginable. Then I released him and ran over to pick up the dress once more. I held it against my body and asked, "Do you think it still fits?"

I faced him to hear his answer but his face was frozen into a surprised expression. He snapped out of his reverie and answered, "Of course." Delighted, I retreated back to my room to shower again and change. I decided to fix myself so that I'd look my best. At 4:00, I was done. I came out and walked towards Gaara's room. His door was closed but I opened it slowly and saw him at his desk with his back to me. Instead of the robes, he had a on a long-sleeved red shirt with black pants. I crept over to him and tapped him on the shoulder. Immediately, he turned and gazed at me.

He had the same look as the last time I wore this dress. He stood and said, "Let's go."

As I climbed down the stairs, I spotted Kankuro and Temari on the couch. Their eyes went to me and Temari stood.

"Beautiful," She whispered.

"Whoa," Kankuro said.

I smiled and walked over to them with Gaara behind me.

"We're going out," was all he said as he went to open the door.

Of course, Temari and Kankuro couldn't pass up on the opportunity to tease him.

"Make sure to bring her back with some chastity left," hollered Kankuro.

I blushed and shook my head while I walked out the door.

"Are you hungry?" Gaara asked. I hadn't eaten so we left in the direction of the restaurants. We stopped by a fancy place and sat down to eat. Of course all the waiters were almost running to make sure the food was placed in front of the Kazekage in record breaking time. While we ate, I couldn't help but glance at the boy that was sitting in front of me.

After we finished, Gaara led me out and we walked in the already dark streets. The sun had set only a while ago. There weren't many pedestrians on the streets and I walked alongside of Gaara, having no idea where we were heading. Our arms brushed each other's as we walked and I bit down on my lip as I gathered up the courage to find his hand and hold it. The heat on my face was almost as hot as the heat of the sun.

_Fool! I shouldn't push him on like this. This is too bold. And I need to stop with the blushing! What am I? A 7 year old on a date? _

As I held his hand, he in turn, gripped mine. I could have fainted but I didn't want to waste my time with Gaara. We walked on in silence. Once we reached the house, instead of opening the door, Gaara turned to me.

"Will you watch the moon with me?"

I smiled, "Of course."

So we climbed onto the roof and faced the moon. We sat next to each other and I began to fiddle with my necklace.

"You really like it that much?" He asked.

Without facing him, I closed my eyes and almost whispered, "Yes."

And then it all happened so quickly. I faced Gaara and laid my head on his shoulder. Then I knew I had to. I had to tell him. My gut was full of fluttering butterflies and I had to tell him. I just hoped that after I said this, it wouldn't end horribly as it had last time.

"Gaara…I…"

I lifted my head and he turned to me. I estimated that there was a foot between us, only twelve inches of space. And the Hachimata, who had been so quiet, informed me of my nightmare and now I had to say it.

"I love you."

I said it without enthusiasm, without remorse, without stuttering.

He looked at me and nodded, because he had known all along. And as I closed the gap between us, I knew that this peaceful time was going to end. As I was so close that I instinctively closed my eyes and I could smell him and feel his breath on me, I knew I should be panicking. This was not a time to fool around. This was not a time to be selfish. But I couldn't help it.

I wanted to be selfish for just one night. One more minute because I may not ever get this chance again. And so, when our lips met and I felt his heat and I heard the humming in my ears, I didn't feel guilty.

As he kissed me back and my heart pounded and the blood coursed through my veins, I was not nervous. I knew I had only one more thing to do. As I enjoyed this moment, a new courage flared inside of me. As much as I wanted more, our lips parted but I did not smile. I couldn't smile even if my eyes were shining and so were his.

And the Hachimata whispered it in my mind again, agitated. Even he felt uncomfortable.

_"Itachi and his troupe are approaching."_


	15. Selfish

Author's Note: I'm sorry it's been so long. Despite that, I finally updated! Thank you wonderful reviewers! You know who you are.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gaara or the characters or story of Naruto. If I did, I'd include more of my favorite character- Gaara. Despite this, I do own this story and Nozomi, my OC.

Hope you all enjoy!

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Chapter 15

"Selfish"

I couldn't have prevented this even if I had known about it long before. All I knew were fear and anger, anxiety and love. All mixed and thrown together. I was more mature now and now was when I would have to face another hair-ripping challenge. I was afraid, I wanted to cry through it all. I can barely believe I made it out alive.

I didn't want to see Gaara die. I didn't want to see Itachi kill him with his bare hands. I didn't want to separate from the boy that I had fallen in love with. We've been separated for so long and I had been training so hard to keep my demon under control, I thought I wasn't a monster anymore.

Yet I proved myself wrong again.

I'm still a horrendous creature; some sort of miserable wretch that shouldn't exist. Something that shouldn't exist in this world, because it's not natural. I don't fit in here; I'm one of the damned souls. Yet I, the abomination, still live and I'm still with the one I love. But I hope it'll last. My selfishness has caused a lot of harm and I still haven't learned my lesson because I'm still repeating my mistakes.

Our faces had parted and the Hachimata continued to speak:

_"You insolent fool! Are you going to listen? Itachi is coming."_

I was staring into Gaara's mesmerizing eyes, completely overwhelmed by anxiety and love. I lifted my hand and held the side of my face, my hand was shaking. Gaara, thinking I was only nervous placed his hand over mine to calm it. If only he knew. The stable balance between the Hachimata and my feelings was slipping. I could feel its rage and my selfishness. The emotions swirling and twirling together, dancing, confusing themselves with each other. I pulled Gaara towards me suddenly and I pushed myself onto him, I kissed him more forcefully than I meant to and I could sense his surprise. He was surprised but willing and I took advantage of that.

What I wanted was to enjoy my last moments with him, before Itachi arrived. But now was the time to break everything. I was going to set flames to everything and watch it burn. The kiss was passionate, my mouth moving quickly against his. But then I broke off, ashamed and pleased.

"Gaara, I have to tell you something. I've been delaying it for a long time because I'm scared."

He waited for me to continue.

"Remember I told you that someone nursed me back to health? They…he never wanted me to come here, I had to run away from him and I think he," I looked away from him, "wants to kill you."

I'm so afraid, I'm so pathetic. All I can do is whine and cry but I'm never of any importance. I can't help and I can't scream, and I can't even fight. Now, I'm hugging my knees sitting on the couch in Gaara's home. Kankuro, Temari and Gaara have all gone out to make preparations while I sit here helpless. Gaara had gotten all serious when I told him that who was coming was Itachi. He grew tense and we ran off to tell Temari and Kankuro. I heard the word 'Akatsuki' but I didn't know what that was. I'm still wondering now.

All I could guess was that the "Akatsuki" had some form of tie with Itachi. Either he was the Akatsuki or he was part of it. I don't know, I just didn't know.

It was well into night when I heard the door open and Kankuro sighed as he entered the doorway. I appeared next to him and he was taken back by my speed. I remembered they haven't seen how much I've improved, the disaster I could cause now…

"What happened?" I asked.

Kankuro shrugged me off and went to rest on the couch. Did he hate me now? It surprised me when my heart pounded with pain. I guess I wasn't prepared for the cold response from him. I stayed at the doorway, watching him as he avoided my gaze. I bit my lip, not knowing what to do. He probably wanted me away so that he could fume at me alone. I quickly ran up the stairs, not even worrying about my speed. I opened the window and crawled out without a sound. The roof would be no safe haven, I wished to be alone.

The forest would have to do.

Memories of this forest, thick and dangerous, uninviting filled my mind. So many events took place here, so many horrid things and even wonderful things. Even as I tried to distract my mind I couldn't ignore the guilt. I had brought something magnificently wretched to the village; hence, the village has a new reason to despise me. Gaara has a new reason not to love me.

_Why do these things keep happening to me?_

_"If I wasn't inside you, none of this would exist."_

You're right.

_"If I wasn't here, your sister wouldn't be dead."_

You killed her.

_"No, you did with your own hands. Although you wouldn't have had to kill her if I wasn't here. I guess I'm the source of all your misery, which is unparalleled to the rest of you humans."_

That's not true. Everyone goes through difficulties, I'm sure-

_"Have you even heard of anyone with as pathetic a life as you?"_

My life isn't pathetic, you shut up. Everyone goes through damn difficulties. I'm not stupid enough to let you manipulate my anger.

_"So you noticed?"_

I learned from the best.

_"Funny, child."_

No, it's true. You think I didn't know that half of the times you speak to me is to manipulate me?

_"I'm not completely your enemy. With me, you gain strength, power-"_

And I become a monster.

_"Nonsense child, I am the monster."_

"No, I've become one too."

A deep, husky voice asked, "One what?"

Startled, I turned, grabbed a kunai during my spin and held against his throat. Realizing what I did, I dropped the kunai suddenly and brought my trembling hand to my side.

"Sorry," I croaked.

"No, I'm sorry for sneaking up on you."

The boy was about my age, I guessed. His frame was lean with shaggy black hair. From the way he was able to creep up on me and the strength of his chakra, I knew at once he was a jounin.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Looking for you," he smiled.

"Wha-"

"The Kazekage requested it."

"Oh."

Gaara was probably worried, no I know he's worried. Yet again I act selfish and run off. Right after I tell him about Itachi. I know I shouldn't delay, I should run as fast as I can right into his arms. But I'm afraid. I'm scared he'll hate me. Maybe when I see him, he'll smile brightly, welcomingly, but deep inside his heart will be a buried anger against me. From a year ago.

I don't believe all that hatred has extinguished.

My being here and bringing Itachi here has probably rekindled that hatred.

But I don't want him to hate me.

Because I love him.

"Okay," I told the boy, "I'll go."

I'm not sure if it was part of his orders, but he followed me to the house. He was next to me when I was knocking on the door. It felt strange because I lived here but also necessary after what I've done. Gaara opened the door, his eyes wide. I stood there, unsure of what to say but Gaara swept me into an embrace, a strangely nervous one.

Against my will, my whole being filled with caring and hope. Hope that he doesn't hate me for everything I've done to him. I don't think I could take it if he hated me.

"You worried me," he breathed in my ear.

I held him, wishing I could apologize but the words were caught in my throat.

He released me and turned towards the boy, "Thank you Kai."

The boy nodded and left, vanishing right in front of me.

"Sit," Gaara commanded. He waved his hand towards the couch in an elegant swipe. I'd never get over how he's changed. The way he moves, his eyes, his walk, everything. As if he was never my Gaara but at the same time, always was. I walked over to the coach and sat next to Kankuro. His gaze was strange, he measured me with his eyes and looked away towards his brother, the Kazekage.

Gaara addressed us all as if he was giving a speech to the council.

"We have prepared the city for an attack. If Akatsuki does come," he glanced at me, "we will be prepared."

I swallowed hard, feeling a guilty lump in the pit of my stomach.

He continued, "Preparations for defense will be done by tomorrow evening while the offensive preparations will be done by tomorrow morning. Kankuro, Temari, I expect you two will help lead so I will need you two tomorrow early morning at my office."

"And me?" I questioned.

"You-"

_"He's gotten soft. Look at his pathetic eyes, weakness, weakness, weakness!!!"_

"I?"

But his eyes were gentle, searching miserably for something in mine.

_"Itachi will be a worthy opponent for him. Itachi doesn't have this kind of emotion. That will play to his advantage, I hope you know that fool."_

I couldn't help but grit my teeth.

Do you want Itachi to win?

_"I don't care for either of their lives, it's you to make the choice."_

Make what choice? I love Gaara, there's nothing else to choose.

_"Don't lie to me. You can't. I know you do not hate Itachi. How could you with your _feeble_ heart? You are grateful to him for restoring your health when your precious Gaara-"_

Stop!

I clenched my hands so hard, they hurt. Although that couldn't compare to the throbbing in my chest.

"Are you alright Nozomi?" Temari asked, worry bright in her eyes.

_"Tell her. Tell them. Tell how large your debt to him is. Scream out how much you care!"_

"I.am.fine."

I stood up and turned my body towards the stairs to leave.

_"Admit it. Admit your feelings, your fears. Don't lie you fool! It'll only hurt you later on."_

I could picture the evil demon smiling.

I turned to Gaara, "I do NOT care for Itachi!" I screamed and ran up the stairs to lay in my bed.

I wish the Hachimata couldn't speak to me. It hurts. I hate it. The desperate, wretched thing. How I _abhor_ the thing! If I could, I'd kill it myself.

I heard the door open and Gaara walked in.

"You'll be staying with the women and children in the shelters."

He turned and walked away.

"Wait."

"Yes?"

I knew he knew. He knew how the demons could speak to you, torture you, anger you. He never had to ask. He just knew.

"I want to help. I want to fight."

His face was incredulous when I looked up at him.

"No."

I stood and walked over to him.

"I started this, so I should help. I will help. It' my responsibility."

"It is not. You will stay in the shelter."

"Gaara! Don't you see?"

"See what?"

How it kills me. It kills me to see you suffer, to see you try so hard for a mistake I made. This is my entire fault and so I will help. I'll risk my life so that maybe some of the buried hate you have may disappear.

I couldn't bear to stay in a safe place with hundreds of innocents while you and others fight because of me. If something were to happen to you…

It hurt to breathe just thinking about it.

My eyes were brimming with tears and I felt them run down, hot on my skin.

"Why are you crying?" He asked, a bit frightened.

"I have to fight. This is my fault."

Gaara closed the space between us in a few, simple strides. He placed his hand on the side of my neck and his lips met mine. The feeling was something similar to internal combustion. I could feel the energy scorching my insides and my ears buzzing. The kiss was quick and he pulled away. I could feel the heat on my face and he smiled a little.

"Gaara, I want to fight because I want to help you. Please."

His eyes became intense and angry.

"No. How could I infringe your safety?"

"This was my fault."

"No, it is mine. Akatsuki was bound to come eventually."

I was confused.

"What is this Akatsuki? I don't understand."

"Akatsuki," he informed me, "is an organization of S ranked criminals. They are dangerous and powerful. I can't bear to see you hurt."

"That's the reason I'm fighting," I smiled, unselfishly.


	16. Nightmare

I'm pretty proud of myself for updating a lot more quickly this time. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! It's a bit longer than the last one! This is for all you wonderful reviewers!!! Your inspiring words are the backbone to this story.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Naruto or it's characters. Despite this, I do own Nozomi and this story!

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Chapter 16

"Nightmare"

My breath came in ragged, short expulsions of air. I tried to be strong, to be willful, powerful. My face was on the ground, pathetically, as I was losing the battle. I could smell the blood on my face and my body and the lust for violence erupted in my gut; a hot, sickly feeling. I could feel the one who had beaten me looking at my body. Maybe she was wondering if I was dead yet, or if I was on the brink of dying in those last miserable minutes. I turned to face her, to gather up the last of my strength in order to defeat her and return to Gaara. I longed for the feeling of his body next to mine, of his breath, warm against my face. I turned with a snarl in my throat but it was soon lost.

I saw a monster.

Her hair was brown and of medium length. Her face had blood on it, a horrid sight even to me. Her expression was of a curious child, although she was my age. Her hands were on her knees, bent over and staring at me. Her eyes were blood red. As my face grew into one of absolute fear, she smiled, her lips folding over her teeth in a gleeful sneer.

_"I knew you wouldn't die so easily."_ It cooed.

And it laughed a blood-curdling sound that made my throat release a scream. The scream was high-pitched and awful, simply pathetic. But it made the monster even happier.

"Who are you?!" I screamed, my voice sounded as if it was from a tortured child. Weak.

_"You don't recognize me? I'm the closest to you…always there…watching."_

I tried to crawl away, to no avail. It only took a step closer, her eyes right in my face now, while I was too afraid to scream.

_"I'm your demon; I'm here to take your body."_

Then I saw Itachi coming forth from the darkness of the forest. He slowly made his way to the middle of the clearing where I was. The parts of the sky that were closest to the ground were red, fiery orange red. Then the red, looking like flames, would transform to the darkest violet. Itachi made his way over, Just as Gaara appeared from the other side of the forest.

"Nozomi! No!" He cried, the most emotional I've ever seen him. His face held an expression I've never seen, worry and fear mixed into something that shouted weakness. His sand was then everywhere, trying to grasp Itachi and the monster and render them immovable. The sand immediately settled but they were no where in sight. Gaara ran over to me while uneasiness filled me with dread. How could the monster and Itachi both retreat so easily? They wouldn't. Itachi wouldn't leave me.

When Gaara was only a few strides away from me, Itachi suddenly appeared in front of him, catching him off guard.

"No! Gaara! Run!" I yelled with all my strength. Itachi disappeared again, but Gaara was on the ground. I could feel the tears brimming over, my vision horrible now. Itachi was at my side, rocking me gently.

"I'm here for you now," he reassured.

In my shock, I didn't even push him away; all I thought was _"Not him."_

In a frenzy, I felt myself trashing my legs, moving about. Hands were at my shoulders, shaking me awake. My eyes opened alarmed, everything black around me.

"Calm down, everything's alright."

The reassurance of the soft, silky voice did calm me although I now noticed the tears were flowing freely now.

"Don't cry." His voice made me remember my dream.

"It was horrible! I dreamt you…" I trailed off, not wanting to recall the horrid nightmare. He sat at the edge of my bed and I could make out his messy hair, his somber expression and his hand stroking my head. I knew it then. I knew that I wouldn't be able to stand not having his presence near me, especially in a time of danger. If he died, I wouldn't live anymore. I pulled Gaara next to me and he hesitated but didn't pull away. He laid next to me, my back towards him and his arm over me. My heart was still pounding from the nightmare but it also fluttered from the close contact. I could feel his chest at my back and it embarrassed me, I couldn't believe I pulled him into bed with me.

"What was your dream about?" He inquired.

I could feel something in my throat, something that prevented me from telling him.

"It's okay, don't say it." He read my mind.

I turned over and buried my face into his chest, inhaling his scent. My anxiety seemed to slowly flow out of me and evaporate in the air. I began to recite to myself how dreams are only dreams, not reality. Gaara was here with me, we were safe.

_"Strange dream, no?"_

Not now. Please not now.

_"Now's a perfect time to discuss this. I hadn't even thought of that possibility."_

My face grew into disgust.

Thought of what?

_"Taking over your body. It's been a while, I wonder if I still can," _it smiled at the thought of a challenge.

And I realized that monster, that girl, was _me_, my body, only the Hachimata _controlled_ it. Is that what I look like when I'm controlled? Do I have those hideous expressions? Am I really that frightening? All those times, like the first, when Kankuro was bleeding, _did I look at him that way?_

"I'm sorry if I'm wasting your time. You probably have a lot to do, I'm being selfish. Go on," I whispered.

His eyes widened a bit and he lifted his head to stare at me.

"Ridiculous," was all he said and his head plopped back down next to mine. I smiled as I looked up at him, I would be at ease now that he was here with me. He closed his eyes and he smiled softly. I examined his dark circles around his eyes, he's always had them from his insomnia. I lifted my hand and touched his cheek softly and made my way to trace his insomnia lines.

"Does it make you sad?"

"What does?"

I hesitated, "Not being able to sleep."

Without opening his eyes he said, "I do wonder."

I looked away from him and buried my face in his chest again when I said, "I hope you'll be able to someday."

"You're acting so strangely, what's wrong?"

"It's just," I sighed, "the Hachimata's been so talkative lately. It loves to tell me things that upset me."

I could feel his silent agreement.

_"I'm only telling the truth- that you care about Itachi."_

Even if I'm grateful that he saved my life, it couldn't compare to what I feel for Gaara.

I wandered off to sleep now, happy that I was in his arms.

When I awoke for the second time, my arm moved of its own accord, trying to find the body next to mine. But there was nothing there. I looked around to see I was alone and immediately felt foolish. I raced downstairs, remembering the whole village was preparing today. I was alone in the house. I frowned and returned to my room to take a quick shower and change. I was determined to be part of the preparations.

I was too agitated to eat breakfast but forced myself to scarf down an apple regardless. I stepped out of the house and found it was still morning. There were mostly men and woman around, gathering food and supplies. I felt a twinge of guilt but ignored it as I walked quickly to Gaara's office. When I arrived the secretary gave me a strange glance. Why, I couldn't guess. Despite that, I still greeted her with a smile.

"Hello, is Gaara in?" I asked.

"He's in an important meeting Miss."

"Nozomi."

She hesitated, taken back. "What?"

I held out my hand for her to shake it, "My name is Nozomi. Nice to meet you."

She shook my hand reluctantly.

I waited on the couch until the meeting ended. When it did, I saw many older men dressed in white robes exiting. As soon as the last one filed out, I raced into the Kazekage's office. It was cluttered with papers. They were absolutely everywhere; on his desk, in stacks in a perfectly organized mess.

"Gaara?" I whispered, not wanting to be a nuisance.

He looked at me and I could see, feel the tension in his face. But soon enough his eyes softened at the edges. I walked a little closer, unsure of what I was about to say.

"I'm here to report for my mission."

He smiled, "Remember before, we both went on a mission to Konoha?"

I cringed, I hated that mission. "Yes."

"To prepare, I've sent a request for help from Konoha. They've honored it and will send two strong fighters to aid us. You will go to Konoha and ensure them safe passage here. You've met both of them before."

I thought about the team I met back in Konoha. I remember a girl with pink hair, a man with silver hair, a boy with black hair, and an annoying one with blonde hair.

"Promise me," he began and I cringed, hoping I'd be able to comply, "that you'll stay calm."

I smiled, "That's something I can do."

I was absolutely confident that nothing will get out of hand this time. I had so much more control, thanks to…him. I shook my head to be rid of any thought that concerned him. I wondered who I would be escorting to Suna. It had to be two of those four, but who? Well I shouldn't wonder, I wouldn't find out until I get there. But I was glad to be given a mission at least. If I could help out at least a little, it would ease my discomfort. After givn the specifics of the mission, I smiled at Gaara, thanking him secretly for this opportunity to prove my usefulness in any way. I went back home to pack up and reported to the exit. It early evening now but I wouldn't set up camp anytime soon, I barely needed rest now. When I was close to the exit, from afar I could see two figures waiting for me. As I approached, my heart lifted at the sight of those white and blue robes. Next to him was Baki, someone I didn't know so well. He smiled at me and handed me my food supply which I placed in my small bag at my side.

His eyes were bright with worry. Past his small smile, I could see the deep concern and stress. I would be sure to return to him soon, as soon as possible to alleviate any worry he had over me. He didn't need to stress out about me while he had important preparations to make concerning the city's safety. He embraced me for a moment, too short a moment and we said our silent goodbyes. His eyes said only one thing to me: "Be careful." I smiled and started running to Konoha; the desert seemed larger somehow. I soon crossed the vast expanse of the desert and made my way into the forest. At my full speed, I was faster than any other shinobi. My heart pounded in my chest as I thought of showing off my new skills to Temari, Kankuro, and Gaara. No one knows how much I've improved. Even Itachi didn't know the full extent of my powers. If I can beat him and show him that I do not belong to him, I'd be happy. I was sick of the way he always had this arrogance about him, as if he knew how weak I was compared to him. But I'll show him. He'll be sorry for all the pain he's caused me.

_"And for saving your life?"_

You stupid demon, I smiled. You don't know anything.

* * *

When dawn approached, I still hadn't needed to stop and rest. I would be at Konoha by nightfall. It had only taken me one day. I was grateful to discover this new little trick of mine. I would infuse my legs with chakra, only my legs, and they would move faster and never tire. My chakra level had increased drastically and I was finally putting it to use.

I took a break for five minutes to scarf down a bit of food and then I was on my way again. I smiled when I saw the large walls surrounding Konoha. I slowed to a normal speed and tried to suppress my chakra to match a normal person's. The least I wanted to do was to scare anyone. I've worked too hard to become normal.

I reached the gates and handed the note I had to the guards at the door. They smiled at me and directed me to where the Hokage's office was. I located the building and took my sweet time walking around. It was night already so I thought it would be best to spend the night. I felt stupid for making a three day trip in one. Surely they'd be wondering. The next day, I headed to the Hokage's office early in the morning, feeling anxious. They probably found out about me staying the night, making the quick trip, I probably seemed suspicious. I was enticed by the idea to hit myself. The Hokage was a woman, a different person than last time. I ignored my curiousity, maybe the old man died. The blonde woman looked at my letter from Gaara and welcomed me to her village. She asked me to wait outside for a moment and I happily obliged, wanting to seem patient and kind.

I overheard her and her assistant or whoever speaking.

Her assistant told her, "The guards said she arrived last night."

The Hokage responded: "That's impossible. How could she arrive in one day?"

"She'd have to be extremely quick."

Yeah, I'm definitely idiotic. Always stir up trouble when I could have easily avoided it. After their argument, they decided to ignore my timing and I was told to meet the two I was escorting at the entrance. I made my way, forgetting everything that just happened. There was a slight discomfort in my chest but there was one last time I went to Konoha too.

I waited by the guards until I saw a blonde boy and a pink-haired girl. The same two from last time.

"You're our escort, right?" The girl asked.

"I remember you!" The blonde one exclaimed and I scoffed internally.

"Yeah, sorry about last time," I apologized, embarrassed.

The trip was painfully awkward. Their pace was painfully slow. But I spent the majority of our time examining how much they've changed. The girl didn't seem as useless as before and the boy seemed more mature, more powerful. His chakra level was definitely higher. None of us spoke until I heard Sakura say, "Nozomi, you seem more…stable."

Without facing her, I replied, "Yeah."

"How's Gaara?" Naruto asked cheerfully.

I smiled, "He's great."

At nightfall, we stopped to set up our camp and rest. We took turns sleeping and watching and at dawn, we began again on our journey. We made a lot of small talk on the way and I became more comfortable with them, they seemed to forgive my horrid behavior from last time. When the forest ended and we proceeded to walk through the desert, Naruto jokingly asked me, "So, are all the girls chasing Gaara?"

I closed my eyes and ignored his idiotic question.

At the entrance to Suna, the guards waved us in and we headed towards Gaara's office. The secretary was where she always was and I wondered if she ever slept or went home. Didn't she have a loving family to go home to? Parents? Siblings?

"Is Gaara available?" I asked, innocently.

"The Kazekage isn't busy at the moment. You can walk in."

I smiled, "Thank you."

Sakura and Naruto followed me to his office. When we entered, it was as if he expected it. He stood and welcomed Sakura and Naruto, telling them he was happy for their help.

"So you're Kazekage now!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Yes," he answered.

Naruto laughed, "So, Nozomi ignored my question, are the girls all over you Gaara?"

His eyes were surprised as he looked at me and then back to Naruto.

"I'm with her," he stated simply.

Naruto turned to me with an incredulous expression on his face, Sakura, also, was surprised. I looked away in embarrassment. I could see Gaara's teasing eyes. His eyes were lively, laughing while his face was composed.

"You two," Naruto stammered, "are _going out_?"

I closed my eyes, unsure whether I was about to burst out laughing from Naruto's expression or yell at him. I decided to ignore him altogether and ask Gaara the serious question I've been itching to know. I eyed him and he stared back at me, his teal eyes two maelstroms. They held authority and warning.

"Where am I going to be situated? Defensive party? Guard the entrance?"

He studied me for a second and then looked away, closing his eyes, dismissing me: "Don't be absurd, you are staying with the women and children. Help out there."

I grew angry and stepped closer to him so that we were only two feet apart.

"I will NOT just stand by while you fight! This whole thing," I waved my arm about, "is my fault. I can't just sit there and watch. I will be an active part in this."

I clenched my teeth while he sized me up, to see how serious I was. I furrowed my eyebrows and kept my arms rigidly at my sides. Couldn't he see how angry I was? How much I _needed_ to be part of this? To alleviate some of the burden I've placed on everyone here? Didn't he see my guilt? It would be inexcusable if I didn't take at least some responsibility for my actions. Of course, I couldn't just waltz up to Itachi and defeat him. I'd be mercilessly slaughtered. He'd brutally leave me on the floor, withering in pain and then take me with him. But how much of a bother would I be if I helped? It isn't as if Itachi's whole group is coming right? I bet I was stronger than some of the ninja who are helping out. I have a right to fight.

Sakura and Naruto seemed to be a little taken back at my uproar towards my Kazekage.

"Uh, Nozomi, maybe you should just-"

Gaara rose his hand to silence her and she immediately did. His eyes were sad and it stung me. It's been a while since I've seen that gripping sadness. Ever since we met, I knew he had a deep misery, a loneliness that was unbearable. I wish I hadn't been the cause of the sadness I saw now. He sighed, "If she wants to fight, I can't stop her. But you'll be in a group. Naruto, Kai, and Nozomi will be in one group while Temari, Sakura and Kankuro will be in another. Is that alright Nozomi?" He voice was careful, composed, he spoiled me too much.

I nodded my head. I glanced at Naruto, my new partner and the Hachimata protested.

_"That Kyubi. I loathe that backstabbing fox."_

You're going to have to live with it. We're working together.

_"Not if I can help it…"_

You won't be able to; you'll never take over my body again. I have too much control, I've grown stronger.

_"I'm twenty-folds more powerful than you'll ever be. You wretched human, you couldn't compare yourself to me! I'd kill you in an instant, obliterate you."_

I couldn't completely deny my fear but I couldn't back down.

You may be stronger than I am but whose body are you in? Who has the initial control? I am in full control of my body; you can't toy with my mind anymore.

_"Are you sure?"_


	17. Screaming

Sorry it took me a while to update and I'm also sorry that this is a short chapter but I'll try to write a longer one next time! I hope you all enjoy this chapter! Please Read and Review!

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Chapter 17

"Screaming"

My throat burned, stung, raw. I tried to croak out something; a screeching, weak sound was the only thing that escaped my mouth. My heart hammered in my chest, each beat felt like poison; my heart felt hollow, empty, almost like a black hole, pulling everything into its center. A black, lonely thing. Fear of death and loss coursed through my body, making me shake uncontrollably. My eyes were wide with fright, my head spinning from anxiety. I tried to stand but I tumbled to the ground, breaking my fall with my arm. It burned but the fear in my mind was much more overwhelming and so I pushed the physical pain aside. It was nothing compared to what I knew. I wanted to scream for help, to really scream. I tried to, for his life, but all that came out was a sharp breath. I dressed quickly, not really paying attention and opened my balcony door. Unsteadily, I clawed my way to the roof and almost fell off of it. I raced to the center of the roof where he was sitting calmly. There was a new moon out, a dark, dangerous, horrid night. A sick feeling washed over me as I smelled him in the cold air. I ran over to Gaara, who was surprised, and held onto his arm. I rested my forehead against his shoulder and violently clawed into his shirt.

"Nozomi! What's wrong?" His voice was urgent; I probably looked like a lunatic, something that belonged in a ward.

But all I could do was sit there, shaking against his body. My eyes were closed, shut tightly and my face creased with worry. I was so scared, I couldn't breathe properly, my head was spinning, I felt like vomiting.

Strangely, I was brought to a memory of my childhood, when my parents weren't dead and my sister wasn't cold and six feet under. I was standing outside an operation room with my sister. We were sitting on the red bench provided. I looked at the lit icon above the crimson red double doors and frowned. My mother was going through surgery. She had some sort of infection, the deadly kind. I didn't really know exactly what they were doing to her but I had overheard the doctor explaining "opening her stomach" and "getting rid of the infected parts". I looked to my side to see my sister slowly standing, eyes red from crying, saying she was going to the bathroom. I nodded and returned my attention to the doors. I'm not sure why I did but I stood and walked over to those crimson doors. I wasn't really that curious but my body mechanically reached up to the handle and pulled it open an inch. Four figures were all huddled, leaning over my mother's body.

I nearly screamed then. Even I don't understand how I managed not to; my mother's stomach, her skin was deathly pale, as if she had never stepped into the sunlight. But her stomach, _oh god_ her skin. The skin was cut below her navel, in a perfect semicircle. The skin was pulled back, the blood everywhere, I could see her insides. One man held a knife in his hand was poking around inside of her. The mask on his face was bloody, and so were his hands and his clothing. My knees grew weak from the gore and the sheer horror of the scene. The air seemed stifled then and the smell of salt and rust reached my nose making my ears ring. My stomach churned uneasily. But her face was serene, calm, _how could she be so calm? _Every cell in my body screamed to turn around and run, my heart threatened to stop, my mind was whizzing with the weight of fear and disgust. And then my vision started to blur, the darkness creeping over my eyes and I saw the floor rushing up at me.

I saw teal maelstroms. I was shaking and trembling with fear. Before I could even think of answering him, images of Itachi meeting with Gaara filled my mind. Itachi was strong, the strongest human I've ever encountered. How could I hold the guilt inside when it was my fault Gaara was going to face him? Fight him? In the deepest crevice of my mind, I knew Gaara would never come out unscathed and in an even worse situation-

"Tell me what's wrong, Nozomi!"

I bit my lip and sputtered out, "He's here, I can smell him."

I gazed at him with all of my guilt and sorrow in my eyes. I was sorry, sorrier than I will ever be. Instantly, his eyes grew wide and he glanced over at the closest partition in the huge wall surrounding Suna. The wind blew, angry at me, and I smelled the scent of Gaara. It was so unique, so strange, so familiar. It wasn't just a scent because it had more than a smell, it also had a _feeling_. I could feel his emotions, his personality, him. Right now, I could smell the sand on him, the soap on his hair, the anxiety in his chest, and the subtle blood on his skin. I never wanted this to happen, I never wanted him to be hurt, to place everyone in danger. If I would never be able to smell him, see him, feel him, hear his voice, taste him, I don't know what I would do.

I killed my sister and now I'll kill Gaara.

It's truly all my fault.

And I'll never be able to forgive myself.

The red head turned his face towards me again, trying to mask his emotions. I was still clawing his shirt, desperately trying to be as close as I could to him. His face was composed, withdrawn. I wanted to at least share his pain, his responsibility, his uncertainty, whatever I could so that I would feel more connected to him, in any way. But he was shielding himself from me, and it cut me deeply. More deeply than it should.

I regretted everything I've ever done, every selfish feeling, step, breath, kiss, everything. If it wasn't for me, this would have never happened. If I stayed with Itachi-

_"You would have never known."_

I was crying now, wailing with sorrow, heart pounding, vision blurring tears. I wanted to stay with him, never let him go, glue myself to him forever.

What would I never have known?

I would have assured Gaara's safety, Temari and Kankuro's too. Why couldn't I have stayed there? Because I'm a fool, an idiot, selfish and crude.

_"You would have never known if he hated you."_

But he didn't, did he? If he ever did, he does now. I've given him enough reason to loathe me and every fiber of my weak being. I spent all those hours and days training but I'm still a weak-hearted human. After everything, I'm still not strong enough. Would I ever be strong enough to protect him?

I should have left! After I saw him and reassured myself he didn't hate me, I should have left! If I went back to Itachi, he would have never came.

_"He wouldn't have let you leave."_

What are you babbling about?! Shut it. _Shut up, you mongrel!_ I should have left. I could have. I have legs and so I would have walked back, ran back to Itachi.

_"Gaara will not let you go, he cares for you too deeply."_

Don't speak to me! It's also your fault, you hideous, detestable thing! I wish you never bonded with me, I don't want your power, you've made me-

_"I can help you. With my strength, you can aid Gaara."_

Manipulating me again? It won't work anymore, I'll never let you gain control of my body, if you want to hurt Gaara, it won't work. I'd rather kill myself.

_"Stop crying you imbecile. Your body's worthless to me."_

And I did stop. Surprisingly, the Hachimata's reply woke me. It felt like I've been sleeping in a river and only now I've broken the surface for a gasp of air, awake with raw cold. The Hachimata has an insurmountable amount of chakra at its disposal, an amount I could potentially tap into. He was right.

I released Gaara from my grasp and looked into his eyes; it didn't surprise me when I saw they were cold. I lowered my gaze, close my eyes softly and embraced his chest, inhaling his scent.

* * *

The moonlight had a strange effect on his hair. In the moonlight, it had a certain shine, a luster I could never hope to have. His hair was shaggy, a little messy, a little long, a lot black. His body was lean, but I was not completely sure of his height because he slouched.

"What are you looking at?" He asked.

I looked down at his brown eyes and turned away. I couldn't see Gaara from here, but if I concentrated chakra into the irises, I'll be able to make him out. I was standing on one of the tallest buildings in Suna, in the bright midnight. Kai was on edge, anticipating the battle that lay ahead. Naruto was edgy as well, preoccupied with Itachi's coming.

I just wanted it all to end.

"You don't seem too anxious," observed Kai.

"Really?" I didn't even bother to look at him.

I was anxious, how could I not be? It didn't matter, how could Kai possibly know how much it bothered me? How much it really burned in my insides, rotting and turning the edges to ash? Cold, dead, black ash.

I've been smelling him for an hour, one long hour. He smelled calm, almost like new plastic. I hated that smell.

_"But you don't hate him."_

But I love Gaara more.

I concentrated on my irises, enhancing their ability to see a farther distance. I could make out Gaara, his back facing me, approximately two hundred feet away, he was facing the entrance of Suna, also on a high building.

Maybe Itachi wouldn't come, maybe I was wrong, what if it was someone, something else? I might have made a mistake, I'm only human. The other team was exactly one hundred and twenty feet away to my left and closer to Gaara. We were his backup, strong young shinobi. My nerves were sky-rocketing right now, my pulse sprinting, anticipating the fight.

"_He's here."_ The Hachimata whispered. I closed my eyes, suffocating them with as much chakra as I could. I searched straight where the entrance was, my vision wavered but I could see clearly. The men at the entrance could see Itachi as well, I could sense their fear. I returned my attention to Itachi, he was in his black and red cloak, his hat, walking silently and calmly. He was always over confident. But then he suddenly stopped walking. He brought his hand fluidly to his hat tipped it up and looked at me.

The world was rewinding in a speed I couldn't even guess. I felt my vision receding those hundreds of feet back to me, and like recoil I was thrown back. As if I'd been struck, my brain registered pain in my whole body and I felt myself flying and then the sharp intake of breathe as my back struck the concrete on the roof. For a moment, all I saw was the sky, the moon, full and threatening above me.

"Nozomi!"

"You alright?"

Kai and Naruto came into my line of vision, blocking out the beautiful moon. They lifted me up and I grabbed the side of my head in pain. I don't know what Itachi did, I never knew he could do that. Heck, I didn't even know _what_ happened. Naruto crouched down next to me, bewildered: "How the hell did you suddenly fly back like that?"

"Itachi," I said, shaking my head, "Itachi."

Kai narrowed his eyes, looking in the direction I'd been facing. Though, obviously, he couldn't see anything. "He was at the entrance?" He questioned. I nodded in reply, convincing myself I could never do that again. But what frightened me was as I realized Itachi had known I was watching him. How had he seen me? He had looked me dead in the eyes, with a look so frightful I almost erupted into a burst of tears.

I was afraid for Gaara's life. More than I was for mine. I had never feared that Itachi would kill me because I knew, deep in my heart, that he wouldn't. But, finally, Itachi was here. All my nightmares, all my visions, all my fears crashed together into one large wave to fall upon me and drown me in its black, deep waters. The pain, horror, weakness, sadness all came together and with its force, burst out of the corner I shoved it into. It all bubbled up and spilled over.

And all I could do was let out a blood-curdling scream.

I just wanted it to end.


	18. Don't Leave Me

It's been so long since I've written for this. I have no excuses and I am sorry. But i just want to thank starry123 for asking the same question I was asking myself that made me write another chapter. And thank you to all the reviewers and I hope you'll still enjoy this story. There's going to be one more chapter after this, which I will hopefully complete within the month.

Disclaimer: This story is my own but I do not own the characters created by Masashi Kishimoto.

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"Don't Leave Me"

"We have to wait."

"Are you ordering me around?" Kai growled. His brown eyes held no compassion as he glared at me.

I explained. "I'm not trying to—it's just that, we have to wait. That's it."

He shoved his face in front of mine, the moonlight casting a shadow upon his face and on his hair, a deadly shine. "Weren't you with him? For a year was it, I heard? Not having any _regrets_ are you?" Kai spat.

Of course not. How could he even say that to me?

"You seem so calm about this at times, are you really here as a shinobi of Suna? Do you really want to protect Suna?"

I hesitated saying my answer because I knew Kai would be offended. I have never care for Suna, I was only here for—

An image of Itachi's face came into my mind. His expressionless mask, the smile that's never existed on his lips. But I saw him extend his hand to me. It was a bright day, sunny, in a clearing next to the forest that sat upon a hill next to the town where I had lived with him. He smiled and I felt a weight being lifted off my chest and without hesitation I grabbed his hand and pulled myself to my feet.

"No," I responded, "I'm not here as a citizen of Suna."

And I saw Itachi's smile fade and the world grew dark. The skies turned and became ominous.

"Then why are you here?"

"Hey! You! Ugly! Leave her alone, ok?" Naruto walked her and pushed Kai away from me.

"Did you hear what she said, you idiot? She's not here for Suna, what if she wants to help Itachi? She could just turn on us and—"

"She won't."

I walked over to the ignorant boy and grabbed his face to force him to look into my eyes. I bared my teeth at him, my angry rising.

"Even if I'm not here to protect Suna, I swear I will fight with more effort and with more feeling than you ever will. Even if my bones break, I'd drag myself across the floor and fight. Do you know why?"

I tightened my grip on his face and I felt his breathing pace increase.

"Nozomi?" Naruto asked, worried.

"Shut up! He asked, so I'll tell him."

I released Kai, using only the hand that had grabbed his face to throw him back, his back landed on the concrete.

"I'm not here to defend this stupid village. I'm not here to save its people from Itachi, nor I am here to fight as a shinobi. I'm not here to save myself or to protect myself from death. I'm not here because of a love of fighting or killing."

And now an image of Gaara came into my mind, obliterating reality—all I saw was him. His blood red hair, his frown, how his eyes change with every emotion he tries to hide. How when I first met him, he had scared me more than anything, I had witnessed his unrelenting bloodlust, his inhuman demon, possessing him, suffocating the scared little boy inside him. I remembered the night I told him how I had been looking after him for his father. And when he chased me and I was more afraid than I had ever been in my life. The way his eyes had been lit with fear when I had told him I loved him.

"I'm here to protect someone, the only person I have. Can you understand that?"

Kai glared but I recognized respect when its given. Protecting someone is something we all do, something we can all relate to. But sometimes, fear shakes my frame and a darkness comes over my eyes. Because I don't have the confidence to protect the only person I have. Naruto, he's different, he fights to keep all those people. He has friends and teachers and people who he all treasures, but I've lost mine. Now, the only person who means anything to me is the Kazekage of a village, a dangerous position to be in. If Itachi as little as laid a hand on Gaara, I'd kill him.

But as the situation progressed, a battle seemed imminent. If Gaara was gone, I'd as well be dead. I can't, I would never be able to live without him. Did Kai understand the feeling of walking about life without anything to live on? Then, suddenly, like a slap on the face, waking up from a stupor to finally see the sky and realize how bright it always was? Has he ever literally been caged within himself?

I looked at him now and spoke with all honesty. "I can promise that I will be the last to give up on this battle. I will fight until we win, because if we lose this battle that means we will have lost the Kazekage." I looked away. "And I will be dead. I have nothing to gain from joining the other side." I mustered a weak smile in his direction and he seemed to accept my explanation.

I heard a shrill yelp, hundreds of feet away. I glanced at Naruto and Kai in alarm and realized they had not heard it.

"What's wrong Nozomi?" Naruto asked.

I inhaled a breath to calm my nerves and stop my hands from shaking.

"It's started," I whispered.

I sat on the roof, knees up against my chest with my face buried in them. I was rocking, trying to stay calm to no avail. I could hear their yells, their screams were going on for over twenty minutes already. I could picture those foot soldiers losing their lives. It was useless to even try. They didn't know Itachi like I did. I was surprised to learn that he didn't have a demon in him, his personality was so cold and calculating. But I didn't know what to do, I just knew I couldn't stay here any longer. I stood and asked Naruto "Why are we so far away from the entrance?" He looked puzzled, as if he hadn't thought of it.

"To back up the Kazekage of course," Kai responded.

"From this far back?" I challenged. "Yeah, bull."

_He just wants to protect you._

By keeping me out of the fight?

_He thinks it's the only sure way you'll be safe._

With Itachi, there's never a sure way.

I began walking forward and looked back at my teammates. "Let's move up some, we'll miss everything."

Kai protested, "B-but we were ordered to stay here, we can't move!"

"Suit yourself."

And I left them. I ran towards Temari, Kankuro and Sakura. Halfway between the team I left behind and the one I was about to join, a cold chill made its way up my spine. I cursed inwardly and began to run faster when I felt something hit me, the force propelled me sideways and I slid against the hard surface of the roof.

"Nozomi!" I heard Naruto yell, a few roofs back. I really hoped that he wouldn't come to my aid, because the unshakable fear growing inside me was a clear indication of whom it was. I got back on my feet and looked around, seeing no one. I focused my chakra into my ears and heard a commotion coming from the entrance. "Where did he go? Kazekage-sama, Itachi's disappeared!"

"Shit," I cursed.

I began running, the adrenaline pumping through my legs, I jumped to reach the other roof and felt something pulling my legs back. My arms flailed out to reach the next roof and my body slammed against the side as my fingers gripped the edge, knocking the wind out of me. I pulled myself up a bit and saw Kankuro only two roofs ahead of me. I opened my mouth to yell out his name and stopped when Itachi appeared in front of me, blocking my view. I was still gripping the edge, although my fingers were now slipping, my body couldn't stop shaking. The moon was right behind his head, casting his face in shadow.

"Hello Nozomi."

He slammed his foot on my hands in one quick motion. Pain shot down my arms and I gasped, letting go of the roof. My back slammed onto the street below me and I laid there, for a moment letting the pain subside. But my hands shrieked in pain, and I bit my tongue, refusing to cry out.

_Get up, now. Don't use your hands, your left one's broken._

I stood slowly and ran down the alley, too afraid to look up. At the end, a large wall stood, blocking my way. I turned and saw Itachi standing at the mouth of the alley, his hat covering his face. He walked up to me and then appeared by my side, grabbing my left hand and squeezing it.

I yelped out in pain and pushed him back with the other.

"I told you to never leave me again."

I threw a kunai at him and he simply dodged, unfazed.

"I had told you this would happen, so why are you even fighting it? The result is inevitable, you're just wasting your efforts."

"No, I'm not. I'm not going back with you, and you won't kill Gaara."

"Why do you think that?"

"I'd never let it happen. No matter what, no matter what I have to sacrifice."

Itachi quickly moved behind me and I jumped away from him, dodging the kunai he had in his hand.

"Stupid girl."

He was right behind me and I felt a sharp pain in the back of my head. I fell and collapsed on my left arm, causing a shriek to emit from my throat. The last thing I heard was "I thought I had taught you better than this."

I envisioned a beautiful life, the one I had always wanted, the one I never got. I was sitting on a roof top, the wind cold and refreshing. I was smiling, laughing as I held hands with Gaara. I turned to look at him and he was smiling too, his reserved smile that I almost never saw but when I did, it would send chills throughout my body and cause my lungs to tighten and my mind to falter.

I laughed and held out my other hand as snow began to fall. The expanse was a white blanket, beautiful and still. I turned, wanting this moment to be crystallized, to stop so that I could always enjoy it, so that I would always be happy. Gaara pulled me in and pressed his lips to my head.

"Are you happy?" he asked.

I breathed in his scent and grabbed his face, forcing him to look me in the eyes. Although he had kept in his emotions for so many years and kept a composed face, his eyes always betrayed him. In them, I could seek the answer I found, I could tell if he was upset, angry, sad, happy.

_Wake up Nozomi._

"I never thought I'd ever be this happy, in the beginning, everything was so messed up, so complicated and confusing, the events were all so wrong, the words all jumbled up. But now, it's all so simple. I'm certain of everything that was so confusing before."

_Nozomi, snap out of it. Get up!_

He smiled again and it broke my heart.

How long would this last? Would we ever change?

_Get up! Now! We have to do something or else it'll end badly!_

I started crying and dug my face into his chest.

"What's wrong Nozomi?"

"I'm scared I'll let you down." I confessed.

He lifted my head and sighed. He looked away from me, fear in his eyes.

"I'm afraid I've already let you down."

_You're going to lose him._

My eyes opened and I gasped in oxygen. I was on the ground, sand beneath me, my whole body was aching, my arm throbbing, bruises forming on my back. The soft sand was comfortable and I didn't want to stand. But I lifted my head and saw that I was outside of Suna, about fifty feet from the entrance, everything around us was sand.

Itachi was twenty feet in front of me, his back towards me and he was fighting Gaara, who was breathing heavily, his armor cracked. He fell on one knee and fear rose in my throat. Itachi walked up to him and brought out a kunai, resting it against his throat.

I immediately stood up, not caring about the amount of pain that coursed through my body. I gritted my teeth infusing chakra into every inch of my body. Gaara looked weak, hurt. My eyes teared as I kept releasing my chakra into my own body, feeling the barrier between myself and the Hachimata shake. Anger, hate, hurt filled my senses. Through all this time, it had seemed as if life itself was a conspiracy against me. I always had been looking in from the outside, watching families when I had none. Experiencing happiness vicariously, feeling, for the most part, alone. I had never expected anything, but out of everything, this was not something that was going to be taken from me.

It was the only thing I cherished.

My body was morphing, all reasoning beyond me. I ran, faster than even I could comprehend and appeared behind Itachi. Time seemed to move slowly as I lifted my hand to strike Itachi and I saw that Gaara had seen me and his eyes widened. Itachi, noticing this, began to turn, the hand with the kunai facing me, but even as I saw this, I dug both of my hands into his shoulders, my claws digging into his flesh. I smelled blood and pulled him closer. My fangs dug into his neck and pain blossomed in my gut. But I held in, digging further just as the pain worsened. The force in which I had hit Itachi made us fly backwards and as we hit the sand, I bit down harder, forcing any doubts out of my mind. He had cared for me, feed me, trained me, but I still felt as if I had never known him. Like a faceless mannequin.

I heard him gagging, blood in my mouth but I held on. He struggled at first, shoving the kunai deeper into my stomach, but I didn't not budge.

"I told you," he whispered, "don't leave me."

I felt like vomiting and I finally released him, coughing up blood and I wheezed. The pain enveloped me like a sheet, spreading through every vein, filling every muscle and organ. Then I felt my body go limp, pushed beyond its limit and my mind grow black.


	19. The Only Exception

I updated twice in one day, which is a bit surprising. But I really wanted to finish this story and here it is, the final chapter. I thank all the people who have reviewed this story in the past. Please, review this chapter as well, I'd really like to hear from you guys.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the characters created by Masashi Kishimoto.

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"The Only Exception"

When I awoke, there were blinding lights in my face. I felt a little sick and there were bandages all over my body. I was in a hospital room and a smile grew when I saw that Gaara was sitting in a chair, doing paperwork. Knowing that he was all right was comparable to having the weight of the world lifted. All my fears and worries, gone.

"Hey," I said.

He dropped the paper he had and walked over to me.

"You okay?"

I chuckled, "I guess, I'm here, aren't I?"

"That was really idiotic, what you did. It might have been the stupidest thing you've done. Ever."

Although he was reprimanding me, he had his hand on my head. Gaara brought the chair next to my bed and was filling me in on everything that had happened.

"What about Itachi?" I questioned.

His face grew emotionless, a cue that he was angry. "Someone from their group took his body back with them. We're not sure if he's dead or not."

Hearing this news, I wondered if I even cared about Itachi anymore. Maybe I was going insane, but I believed that he couldn't ruin my life anymore. I knew he couldn't harm me any more.

I left the hospital a few days later and Naruto and Sakura left the day after I was released. We were all at the entrance of the Suna village to bid our friends goodbye. I shook hands with Sakura and turned towards Naruto. He walked up to me to grab my hand.

"Goodbye and good luck," I told him.

He smiled at me.

While he shook hands with Gaara, I was surprised to see the look on both of their faces. They both recognized each other with respect and I saw that they were parting as friends. When their hands released, Gaara grabbed me and pulled me close. My heart fluttered happily, my chest twisting with nervousness.

When Naruto and Sakura began walking away I caught his remark to Sakura.

"When do you think we'll be back?"

"Soon," she replied.

A week later, I looked around my room and sighed in relief. Everything was packed up, ready to go. Because I had so few belongings, there were only a few boxes to take to my new home, an apartment a few blocks away. Something small and decent. Gaara was working and Temari and Kankuro were on missions, so I moved alone.

When I had decided to move, Gaara had vehemently opposed it. He didn't see why I wanted to live by myself.

But I couldn't live off their kindness forever; I needed a job, a stable life. It was something I had always wanted and something that was possible for me now. It was dark already and I had unpacked everything in my small apartment. There weren't many decorations, so it looked a little bare, but little by little, I was certain it would look homier. There was a knock on my door and I opened the door to see Gaara standing in the hallway, his Kazekage clothing in his hand. Without that uniform, he seemed like a normal teenage boy.

We were sitting on the roof of my building when he asked me, "Is there nothing I can do to convince you to move back in?"

"Nope," I smiled.

"I think I can think of something."

A month had passed, but it seemed so much shorter. I was content, working in a clothing store, living in a decent home, seeing Gaara everyday. My life was boring, normal. I wasn't a shinobi anymore; I don't ever think it suited me. On my birthday, I finished work in the early evening and went over to Gaara's home for a dinner party. I entered without knocking, and saw a lovely arrangement on the dining table. I walked around and saw Temari in the kitchen, putting the food she made on plates. When she saw me, she smiled and told me to sit.

"Kankuro! Gaara! She's here!"

We all sat at the table and the food was surprisingly good. Afterwards, Kankuro and Temari bought me many things I needed in my new home. I hadn't had the money to buy proper plates or furniture but they gave me a beautiful ceramic set of dinnerware, silverware and other small things for my apartment. I thanked them, giving them each an embrace.

"I left your gift in my room, follow me." Gaara said. I did as he said and when we entered, he walked towards the window and climbed onto the roof. I climbed up after him and sat next to him. My favorite phase of the moon was out, the waxing gibbous and I couldn't help but stare in awe.

"Nozomi," he began.

I faced him and I saw fear in his eyes.

"Happy Birthday." He gave me a small box as he said it and I held it in my hands. I opened it slowly and in the middle was a white gold ring with a thin band that separated into two on either side before reaching the bright teal-colored stone in the middle. I just let it rest in my hand. After a moment, Gaara seemed to get restless and nervous so he shattered the silence.

"I'm not good at speaking with people and I'd rather keep my distance from most, but when you moved out, I realized that I didn't want to keep my distance from you. Honestly, I'd rather not have people live with me. Except you."

I tore my eyes from the ring and faced him. His face was bright, his eyes wide with fear and anxiety, he was a whole mess of emotions. He had changed so much, had grown into a wonderful person that people look up to and depend on. He was strong and willful, silently caring for his village and his people and his family.

"You're always the exception. Whenever I think, I could do without this or that, an afterthought always reminds me- except her. So, I came up with only one solution to have the only exception in my life always close."

Tears began pouring down my face and my breath caught in my throat. Happiness was not something I expected from my life. A year ago, happiness seemed so foreign a concept to me. To be so happy now, it wasn't something I deserved.

"A-are you all right? Why are you crying?"

I whimpered, "I never thought this would happen to me, I thought I didn't deserve a normal life."

I pressed my face into my hands and felt Gaara placing his arms around me. Embarrassed, I stopped crying and raised my head. Gaara grabbed my hand and asked me those four words. Without even giving him a reply, I put the box down, besides us.

"You idiot," and as I said this, his face morphed, displayed a pain that hurt even me.

"You should have asked me this before I bothered moving into a new apartment." And I grabbed his face with my hands and kissed him. I felt his mouth growing into a real smile, one I would never see, because he wrapped his arms around me and kissed me back.

Sakura was right; Naruto and her were back in Suna two months later, at our wedding. The whole village came to it, the streets packed around the town square. That same day, I visited my family's graves for the first time. Gaara came with me and stood patiently while I left flowers for each one and spoke to each one. I tried to apologize to Miho, my sister, but ended up just crying and ruining her flowers. Gaara placed his hand on my shoulder and when I turned, seeing his eyes smile at me, I began to believe that she forgave me after all.


End file.
